We’ve all made decisions in our lives, but I’m not sure we fully appreciate the process of deciding.

It’s my experience that decisions make us. It looks like we were the decider, but who we actually are is the reporter of a decision that has already been made by another part of us.

Did you ever notice that when you think things over, there comes a point where the thinking stops and a decision arrives? If you look at the process carefully, your decision was delivered to you, not chosen by your keen thinking apparatus.

Deciding is a feeling that shows up in final form as a thought. We decide with our feeling sense, not our thinking. Our feeling sense is ready to decide when it gets an OK or not OK feeling about something. It’s a relatively quick process. What delays our decision is our thinking. We often ignore our feelings and “decide” to think it over some more.

If you are someone who sits on the fence to the point of getting calluses on your coolie, you may want to consider streamlining the decision process.

It begins with fine tuning your awareness about your OK and not OK signals. Think of a time when you instantly knew that something wasn’t OK. Where did that feeling show up in your body? If you forgot, just go back to that time in your mind (daydream) and notice where that feeling registered. Was it in your throat, your chest, your belly or your bowels? You felt it somewhere.

Catalog that feeling and then think of another time when you knew something wasn’t OK and you’ll make an interesting discovery: That feeling will show up in the same spot. The next step is to locate where your OK feelings live by repeating the process. Think of a time when you instantly knew something was OK and find out where that feeling registers.

This isn’t a prescription for rash decisions; they’re totally thinking events. This is an exercise to find your decision barometer.

Deciding doesn’t take a lot of thought; we only think it does.

Decide to find your OK and not OK feelings and you’ll KO a lot of unnecessary thinking.

All the best,

John

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As I was walking Snuffy the Black Nosed Beagle in the frigid cold this morning, I found myself singing a song from the musical legend, Ray Charles – “You Don’t Know Me.”

I always wonder about songs that pop into my head randomly, and this was no exception. After I wondered a bit, The Grasshopper showed up in his earmuffs and scarf and had this to say, “You won’t know me until you know you.” Now I had lots to wonder about.

I find that we know a lot about certain people but we don’t necessarily know them, that’s because we don’t know ourselves. We know about our likes and dislikes, prejudices and preferences but, by and large, we ignore our core.

Once we delve deeper than the surface, we find ourselves and everyone else. It’s here that we’re all the same; it’s only our conditioning that makes us seem different. It’s from this place of depth that we can truly say, “I know you” because it’s here that you know yourself.

Life is lots more peaceful when you know yourself. Knowing you helps you find the common ground with the common man, and as a result, you’re not looking for differences to disagree about.

This is not an exercise in conscious cataloging in an attempt to find all the ways you are like another; it’s more streamlined than that. You only need to find the one way you are the same, and then the differences can be celebrated more often than castigated.

The one place we’re the same is in our depths. It’s a quiet place of commonality where we get to know everyone.

If you’re looking for a little more peace in your life, get to know you, and then you’ll have all you need to know about someone else.

All the best,

John

JOHN MORGAN COACHING
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Here is a link to an  incredible blogpost from one incredible teacher – Jerry Stocking.

How to Increase our Sexual Energy. ~ Jerry Stocking

How do you filter your day? Which prism or eye goggles do you view it through?

I believe the first filter we use is positive or negative. Which one you use depends on whether you’ve been conditioned to see the glass half empty or half full. The one approach you regularly use, consciously or not, will color your day no matter what circumstances you encounter.

We all know the person who can turn a windfall into a wet blanket. “Sure I’ve just won millions in the lottery but that just means my relatives will be leaning on me for handouts.” You can predict how people will respond based on their filters.

The next filter, and the most crucial one in my opinion, is the choice filter. Most people don’t recognize that they have a choice because they view their day, month, year, life through the “no choice” filter. Choice is a constant that most of us miss because our goggles are dirty.

Have you every awoken and started right in choosing a crappy day? “Oh, it’s Monday and I have to go back to that dead end job and deal with people I don’t like and not get paid what I’m worth.” All of that may be true, but if viewed through the “no choice” filter, a crappy Monday will continue to choose you.

I’m not suggesting that you view the above situation through rose colored glasses; I’m suggesting that you have made the assumption that you are stuck with no choice. What if you notice your Monday morning blues and allow them to trigger you to ask the question: “What’s possible for me?” If your first answer is “nothing,” you are dealing with your conditioning and not reality. Keep asking and keep exploring alternate choices.

Possibility questions present choices, ones you would never get to if you let your conditioned choice stay on automatic pilot.

And the last filter is reacting or responding. Once we recognize that we will always have the ability to choose, are we going to let a reaction choose us or are we going to choose a response?

Reactions are conditioned choices that will only get you what they got you the last time. Responses are choosing a choice. For example, most arguments are made up of conditioned reactions. “You’re a cotton-headed ninnymuggin.” “Oh, yea, well you’re the offspring of a no count weasel.” There is no choice in that back and forth, or most any argument. That’s why nothing gets settled.

What if you noticed that you could pick a response to a stimulus rather than going with your conditioned reaction? That would open up a lot of choices to pick from.

Responding is a filter we too often leave on the shelf, even though our reaction filter is clogged with more lint than Shaquille O’Neal’s belly button.

Bottom line: You do have a choice in filtering your day. To use this choice to your best advantage, make the choice to notice and respond.

All the best,

John

On first pass, existing and living seem to be one and the same. “I’m existing here on earth” or “I’m living here on earth” mean the same thing to a student studying English. They’re synonymous, or are they?

When I examine it more closely for me, existing has me going through the moves, and living gives those moves a purpose.

The mantra that came up for me is “Live with Purpose.” I’m sure that’s already on a bumper sticker somewhere, but it just hit home for me.

Identify the purpose for your moves and your moves will contain more life.

I was asked at a seminar over the summer, “What’s your purpose in speaking?” How often do we speak without purpose? We just decide to open our mouths and see what comes out. There is so much banal chatter that leaves our lips which contributes more to existing than it does to living.

Identify your purpose for speaking or acting more often and you’ll begin the process of moving past existence into living.

Living has aliveness about it; existing is like treading water in the Dead Sea.

If you are in a funk, chances are you are stuck in existing. The first step out is purposeful in nature. Find your purpose for living. It’s there waiting to breathe life into you.

You may want to make yourself reminder cards and post them in many places – your nightstand, your bathroom mirror or the sun visor of your car to name a few. Have the card read: WHAT’S MY PURPOSE? or WMP? for short.

“Existing” or “Living with Purpose” is always a choice. When we let the choice make us it’s a lifeless existence.

All the best,

John

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If you got paid for every thought, you’d be a very wealthy person.

There is no shortage of thoughts that run around in our heads, so which ones do we pay attention to that pay dividends?

If you monitor your thoughts for just a few minutes, you will make a major discovery about thoughts – they think you, you don’t think them. Thoughts have a mind of their own, but one thing they have in common is they all clamor for our attention.

Which ones deserve our attention?

The first act of separating the wheat from the chaff is to pay more attention to thoughts that are based in fact, and less attention to those dripping with opinion.

I suggest that you take just 2 minutes anytime today and observe what thoughts are occupying your mind. Observe without participating in the thoughts; just watch them parade by. What you will discover is that most of your thoughts are opinions, conjecture and a game of not connecting the dots.

Those are thoughts that are entertaining to watch but pay no dividends, kind of like watching “The Biggest Loser.”

The thoughts that pop in that are based in fact are the ones are worth paying attention to. Thoughts that are verifiable will take you to the bank; those that can’t be verified will keep you bankrupt.

How much of your thinking can you verify? It’s worth paying attention to. Just doing a simple 2 minute exercise like the one I recommended gets you in the habit of prioritizing the thought process. It makes you aware of what you are thinking.

Once you become aware of the value of your thoughts, you have the ability to interrupt the ones that rob you blind, and listen to the ones that put money in the till.

This is not financial advice. It’s an accounting system for your mind that lets you pay more attention to the thoughts that will pay off.

You’ll never know for sure whether this is a fact or an opinion unless you do the experiment.

All the best,

John

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It occurred to me that everyone is consistent even if it’s in their inconsistency.

As I have stated before, I worship at the altar of consistency but I have recently discovered that I am biased to the brand of consistency I adore.

The brand that gets me to dress up for church is the one where I can count on something or someone to produce consistent results that I like. If you are consistently producing things I don’t like, I call that inconsistent – a newly discovered shortcoming on my part.

I loved that basketball star, Michael Jordan could produce 30 plus points on a consistent basis; I didn’t like that tennis great, Jimmy Connors consistently hit his forehand into the net on long back and forth exchanges.

So my discovery is that I truly don’t like consistency; I just like my brand of it.

This led to a bigger discovery for me and perhaps you – that we really don’t like the truth, just our version of it.

I like to define truth as that which has no opposite. Genuine truth is self evident and is not debatable. The minute that you can muster an argument against your truth, it’s not the truth. It’s a conditioned opinion that you bow down to – a false god, if you will.

If you are consistently spouting the truth, you are inconsistently hitting the mark, because it’s only your brand of the truth that you speak. Your brand excludes all the other brands. The whole truth is everyone’s brand mixed together, not splotches of the mix you happen to like.

Be careful when you are speaking the truth because you’ll be consistently inconsistent. Once in a blue moon it’ll be solid truth, but most often it will be scattered, prejudiced blather.

I believe it’s in our best interest to label our truth for what it actually is – an opinion that we’ve come to like. When we label what we are offering as our opinion, we can consistently be genuine without the inconsistency of claiming to know the truth.

It’s my opinion that you will communicate more effectively with opinion than you will with the truth, and you’ll do it more consistently.

All the best,

John

It looks like the New Year has turned into an acronym for me. This is what I awoke to in my head this morning.

N – Notice   

E – Empathize

W – Wake Up

Y – Yes

E – Eschew

A – Act

R – Respond

These are the things I trust I will get better at in 2012. They aren’t resolutions per se; I look at them more as guideposts or trigger words.

NOTICE means to notice what’s going on outside my head. There’s a big world out there begging for my attention.

EMPATHIZE that my gifts are not your gifts and vice versa. I could have more of what you have by being more like you; I just have to know what it’s like to be you.

WAKE UP is a waking reminder that I walk around half asleep, and I consider myself a pretty observant person.

YES is an answer I’ll be giving more often. Yes contains possibilities that No never considers.

ESCHEW means to avoid the path of least resistance; it rarely leads anywhere special.

ACT on wonderful ideas that have been literally handed to me by a creative part of me that I’ll never fully comprehend.

RESPOND rather than react to life. I always have a choice not to react in the same way that didn’t work before.

I hope these trigger some guideposts for you as well, as we step in to a brand new year.

All the Best & Happy New Year!

John

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How much water do you drink on a daily basis? If you’re like me and most people, not that much.

I think I drink more water than the average bear but my sense is it’s not enough.

Many people increase their water intake when they go on diets and cut back when their diet is over. There is a direct correlation to the decrease of water and the increase of pound “creepage.”

Some people who go on monastic diets eat nothing but one food to get them skinny. They find some exotic grain found only in the foothills of the Andes and consume it until they succeed. You know the rest of the story. They gain the weight back because what they are doing is not long-term repeatable or feasible.

Drinking more water regularly is repeatable and pays dividends. In my opinion, it’s a habit worth developing. Reminds me of two stories . . .

Some 40 years ago I was introduced to seltzer by my stepfather. It was a staple of his upbringing and it was in the house all the time. It was an acquired taste for me. It was bland and bubbly, but it did produce belches you could take pride in. What I noticed, after it became a habit, was that I was drinking more seltzer and less sugared drinks, to the point that I rarely drink sugared drinks now. Seltzer is something that’s always in my house and everybody who lives here reaches for it naturally.

I was reading a story of former supermodel, Elle Macpherson who is the mother of two and is in magnificent shape at age 47. She eats rather well as you may imagine and she drinks lots of water. In fact, she offers this challenge to women (and I suppose to men as well): “I challenge any woman to drink 3 liters (about 100 ounces) of water everyday for a month and sleep for 7 hours a night, that she won’t lose weight, look better and feel better.”

I don’t know what the magic number is for water intake but I suspect it’s somewhere between the number we’ve always heard – eight glasses a day (64 ounces) and the amount in Macpherson’s challenge. Our challenge is to make more water intake a daily habit rather than a temporary fix. You may make more trips to the bathroom but it will give you more opportunities to look in the mirror and see how good you look.

Bottoms up!

All the Best & Happy New Year!

John

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“If I stop dancing, I’m gonna’ fall down.” That’s the unspoken, often unknown, mantra of the person trapped in their life story.

Your life story is a scenario you created and are determined to live out, even if you are not right for the role.

There is a lot of dancing necessary to keep the illusion of the life story alive. “The show must go on,” and so it does.

“My feet are killing me” is the common complaint of life’s dancer, yet they never attribute their aches to the dance.

Someone living out a life story is a perfunctory performer. At some point, others may catch on to our lack of realness and they try and explain it to us, but we dance away to perform another day.

How do you know you are trapped performing your life story? One way is to notice the number of different acts you put on for different people. Each set of people get a set performance. The more dances you do, the less life you have.

The key to getting out of a never ending life story is to end the dance. Stop performing and discover who you really are – The life beneath the life story.

Discovering the life beneath the life story begins when you notice you are reacting rather than responding to life. Reacting calls for a set dance for a certain set of circumstances – a two-step here, an electric slide there and a wide repertoire for everything in between. That’s a lot to keep track of.

Responding to life has no set dance. You still get to interact with others but you bring them a fresh you every time. Responding is based on trust. Trust that there is a deeper part of you that knows the appropriate response to any of life’s circumstances. This will keep you from mentally scrambling through your dance database to put on the perfect show.

No show is necessary with the real you.

The real you responds to others, never reacts.

Begin to notice how many different dances you do. The more you have the more reacting you do. If you’re not dancing for the pure enjoyment of dancing, you aren’t living, you’re reacting.

Responding will allow you to retire your dancing shoes and soak your feet in the calm, soothing waters of your life that lies beneath your life story.

If you are tired of dancing, start trusting that you can stop. When you do, infinite responses open up to you and you discover you only have one dance partner – Life itself.

All the best,

John

JOHN MORGAN COACHING
ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING
LOSE WEIGHT & KEEP IT OFF
STOP SMOKING FOREVER
SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT
IMPROVE YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
I LOVE MY BODY
RELAX IN 2 MINUTES
FEEL FOREVER YOUNG
VIRTUAL MASSAGE