The Grasshopper is like summer melons; he’s showing up everywhere. His latest offering is a question: “Do you advocate or do you argue?”

Upon hearing this, I got a picture of Mother Teresa in my mind as an advocate. I then thought of American lawyer, Alan Dershowitz as the poster child for someone who argues.

Advocate or argue have a different feel even though on the surface the goal seems the same: Take an action to have something happen that you want to happen.

You can argue your way there with “truth, justice and the American way” or you can advocate by showing people the way.

Each has their place and, from my perspective, we do too much of one and too little of the other.

Maybe it’s a benefit of age but I notice that I argue less than I have in the past. My messages of righteousness don’t seem worth the same amount of argument they once produced. That old approach has the feel of a saying my grandmother used from time to time: “Don’t do as I do; do as I say.”

Advocating seems to be tied to deeply held ideas whereas arguing can have us spout on about something that maybe even we don’t believe in.

Advocating seems to be leading by example rather than citing myriad examples of why you should do something.

I could make an argument for advocating more but I just don’t want to. I’ve come to find that the way to go is totally up to you.

I just hope I’ve stimulated your curiosity as to which one will work better for you.

All the best,

John

“A belief is a thought repeated often enough in your head to make it second nature.” So opined The Grasshopper.

Most beliefs are another’s verbal thoughts handed down to us before we even knew what a thought or a belief was. That’s to say, we inherited most of our beliefs.

It’s come to the point that we don’t think about our beliefs anymore; we just act on them.

I believe it’s time to turn our thinking back on when it comes to our beliefs.

It was Socrates who said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” He could have just as easily said, “An unexamined belief needs to see the light of day.”

Have you ever done the math on the lack of evidence for many of the things we fervently believe? I believe that’s how negative numbers got their start.

What are you doing on automatic pilot that’s heading you to a crash? That’s the potential for an unexamined belief.

Take a moment to list your top three beliefs. Next, notice the lack of evidence you have for them. My apologies if you listed gravity, death and taxes, and Sarah Palin not being a member of Mensa as your top three. You would be the exception rather than the rule.

Most of our beliefs lack evidence but we are forever arguing our case. It’s tiring.

It’s time to retire the arguments. They haven’t worked, aren’t working now and will never work.

Arguing for your unsubstantiated beliefs is arguing for your limitations. It’s more productive to examine how your beliefs are limiting you.

If you’re having trouble turning a corner, chances are good that an unexamined belief is blocking the way. Once you bring it into the light and pull on a loose string or two, it begins to unravel.

If your beliefs are working for you, accept my applause. If they’re causing you grief, take a closer look and you’ll remove the sinker, line and hook.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper had his “4th of July” on over the weekend and offered this little firecracker: “Gusto is an artificial high.”

I was reminded of the Schlitz Beer commercials of the 60s where the tag line was, “Grab for all the gusto you can get.”

These commercials were illustrative of the presupposition that you didn’t have enough in your life and you had to reach outside yourself to get more – “Go for the gusto.”

The zest in life comes from within; yet we’ve been conditioned that it’s an outside/in process.

There are lots of exciting things people do for exhilaration: rides at an amusement park come to mind. But if you need to ride Space Mountain or drink a beer or energy drink to get your gusto every time, you haven’t yet found your internal fountain of fervor.

Do you constantly need something outside yourself to “jack you up”? If so, it’s time for a little “in-spection.”

Going inside means letting the trappings of the outside world to go away, just for a time, so you can experience the calm center of your existence. This serene place of peace is capable of producing more gusto than you’ll ever need. You’ll know you’re gathering your internal zest when you start to notice how comfortable you’re becoming in your own skin. This feeling of comfort doesn’t need an outside agent as a catalyst, only a visit inside.

Being comfortable with who you are lessens your susceptibility to the conditioning that you need something besides you to get your gusto.

Going after adventure is a fun thing to do, but if you’re doing it to generate gusto, your skin will forever feel uncomfortable on you.

All the best,

John

“What am I looking for?” is a straightforward question which, if answered incorrectly, will take you around all sorts of curves.

How often do we announce what we’re not looking for? That approach will take us away from the straight and narrow.

Let’s pretend that you’re an executive who has progressed to the point where you need and can afford an assistant. How much longer will the process take if you keep looking at all the things you don’t want in an assistant?

“I don’t want someone who . . . or does . . . or can’t . . .” That approach will delay getting who you do want.

The same is true for whatever or whomever else you’re looking for.

Perhaps it’s time to change focus and start looking for what you do want vs. what you don’t want.

Just this tiny shift in language can clear the fog and let you see what you’re looking for more clearly and more quickly.

Start monitoring your language and begin to notice how often you use the delaying tactic of “don’t want.”

When you catch yourself, replace “don’t” immediately with a statement or mental picture of what you do want.

Ask yourself the question now: “What am I looking for?” The answers you get will be a lot more direct and lead you in a direction towards your goal, rather than turn you round and round like an old barber’s pole.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper delivered this to my stream of consciousness: “Let consciousness carry you.”

I had no idea what it meant but immediately imagined myself in a stream being propelled downstream only by the current.

In this little fantasy, the only time I used my hands and arms was to avoid some floating debris by swimming to the right or left, and then it was back to being carried by the stream.

“Why swim when the current can carry you?” was my question.

It dawned on me that when we attempt to think our way through things, we are using effort when we don’t have to. Consciousness will carry us, if we let it.

It takes some trust to stop swimming. It also pays to stay aware for the occasional twig or branch that we may have to give an assist to push out of our way.

When we are attempting to solve a problem, we are conditioned to think (swim) our way through it. It’s a learning process to let the stream do the work. This means to trust that there is a part of you that will deliver an answer without you having to exhaust yourself swimming.

The Christian concept of “Let go and let God” comes to mind. But even if you’re an atheist, the process of being carried by consciousness works.

You’re transported to an answer with a lot less effort when you let consciousness carry you.

Ask yourself, “How do I solve this problem?” and then just jump into the flowing stream. That means to go do something else with your thinking. Do something that takes up your conscious thought. It could be as simple as washing the dog or car or taking a walk or jog, or washing the dishes – anything that will occupy your conscious train of thought.

That’s when your consciousness goes to work, flowing all sorts of solutions your way without you having to swim a stroke.

Think of consciousness as your own pair of “Swimmies.”

Finally, allow me to float this idea your way: “Sink or swim” is an outdated idea. Today, all the cool kids are letting consciousness carry them.

All the best,

John

Seems we all have a system of prioritization. Sometimes we know what it is but most times we don’t.

I remember, years ago, asking Lowry Mays, the head of Clear Channel Radio at the time, how he prioritized his busy day. He thought for a second and then said, “When I get into the office, I get behind my desk and shoot the snake closest to my foot.”

Sometimes we don’t have time to prioritize the unexpected fires that just pop up. But when we get into a more calm time, we may formally systematize what we have to do.

I’m all for systems and am always intrigued and sometimes inspired by how others schedule their priorities.

But even the best systems seem to be a way of forcing ourselves to prioritize.

I’m more interested in priorities that come to us naturally and how that happens. Reminds me of a story from a long time ago . . .

I remember my mother commenting on the change in me two days after I got married. Her comments were along the lines of going from a boy to a man in a weekend. The woman I married had two young children and, at some level, I knew I had to change my priorities. I didn’t plan it; it just happened. That’s what I’m referring to as a naturally changing priority.

Some of them come with age and experience. What adoring grandparent doesn’t handle their grandchildren with softer gloves than they did their own children? That’s most of us.

What is it that can have us change priorities on a dime, naturally, that couldn’t happen using the best prioritization systems available?

I don’t know, but I have a guess. My guess is there’s a part of us that intuitively knows when a change has to happen and it heads us towards circumstances that facilitate that change.

Some may refer to that part of them as a guardian angel or some other personification. The name is immaterial; the fact that it happens is what’s relevant.

Intuitive knocks on our door are different from the incessant, mind based door bell ringing we hear. We just have to begin to notice the difference and begin listening with more trained ears so we can sense the difference between the two.

Intuitive knocks don’t arrive with trumpets blaring – they just arrive with new priorities in hand, and hand walk us to the new way.

The best way to get in touch with your “angels” is to allow your mind to quiet down. It’s from that serene place that naturally changing priorities arrive, preventing you from having to artificially muster up your drive.

All the best,

John

The Grasshopper welcomed in summer with this turn of a phrase: “Aspersions cast a wide net.”

I was thinking about some aspersions cast my way back in the day and how devoid of facts they were. They were of the variety “I know that you did something” – something to which there were no supporting facts.

People who spout unsupported aspersions cast very wide nets – so wide, in fact, that all the fish slip through them and at the end of the day there is no catch.

Generally what I find is that arguing facts with an unsupported aspersion caster is fruitless. They are immune to evidence and consumed with conjecture. They are “goal post movers” of the highest order. That means when you completely blow their argument out of the water, they won’t acknowledge that but move on to another equally empty aspersion.

Here’s an example:

“You said you would do ‘X.'”

“When specifically did I say that?”

“I read it on your website.”

“Where specifically on my website did you see that?”

“I can’t remember but I saw it. Anyway, you didn’t do ‘X’ like you claimed.”

“I never stated or wrote that I would do ‘X.'”

“You should do ‘X’ and because you don’t, you’re a fraud.”

Having done a radio talk show in the past, I can tell you that the majority of the callers were baseless aspersion casters. It’s the same today and it’s one of the reasons I never listen to call-in talk shows.

I find that aspersion casters are perpetually angry and like to argue. I’m not and I don’t. If you want to have a factual discussion, I’m all in. If you just want to vent your spleen, call a talk show; I find that peachy keen – mainly because I won’t be listening.

All the best,

John

One of my friends posted this question on Facebook: “What’s wrong with people?”

I’m sure there are countless answers but if I had to sum it up in a word it would be, “Conditioning.”

You learned whatever is “right” or “wrong” with you somewhere and, by and large, it was learned at the knee of the people who helped shape you.

I initially laughed but was then saddened by the video clip that follows. (WARNING: NSFW)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vNoR4Yb4Gc

It involves two women who get into a fist fight in an Indiana Walmart over who knows what. The one woman has her 5 year old son with her. What she encourages him to do to the other woman was long-conditioned into him before this incident. That’s the sad part.

I have little doubt this child will carry these attitudes forward. And if we fast forward into the future, I suspect someone else will be asking “What’s wrong with people?” in an incident regarding him.

Many people defend their conditioning, not recognizing it’s not working for them.

It’s only when you begin to recognize what’s not working, that change has a chance of happening.

I have no doubt this woman is telling anyone who will listen that she’s a “good” mother. That’s a defense that will keep her conditioning in place and have her continue to pass it on to the impressionable minds she influences.

This isn’t about the women in Walmart; it’s about us. How much of our conditioning are we defending that isn’t working causing people to ask what’s wrong with us?

When we begin to recognize and address that, then we won’t be getting in fights in the conditioner aisle of our local Walmart.

All the best,

John

This post could easily be entitled FOR MEN ONLY because it’s about one of the things we men do that rarely works.

I don’t believe there’s a man alive who’s been in a male-female relationship that hasn’t experienced this phenomenon.

Your female partner says something aloud that’s troubling her. It could be anywhere between mundane and serious and our response is the same: We go into problem solving mode.

Even after years and years of this scenario playing out, we don’t get it.

The Grasshopper got it and gave it to me the other day: “They don’t want you to solve their problem; they just want to sound it out.”

They just want to get what’s running around in their head on an external speaker and hear what it sounds like outside their head.

“Sounding it out” is like writing their problem out on paper so they can explore what options are available. They really want to solve the problem themselves. We were just privy to what was supposed to be a private experience and we mistook it for and S.O.S.

We then reach for our tool belt and go into “fix it” mode, when all they wanted to do was unload.

“Hunter and Protector’ may be in a man’s DNA but it doesn’t mean we have to always “Save the Day.”

Unless they ask for our help, don’t assume they want it.

People are not helpless. We all have internal resources to call upon to address and assuage our troubles. We just have to be given an opportunity to use them.

If you’re a parent, you know there comes a time to back off and let your child solve their own problems. This gives them experience in coming up with their own resources when you’re not around to make everything better.

We men, especially, haven’t fully learned that lesson when it comes to our female partners.

I’m not an expert on relationships but this much seems like a pretty sure bet: If you think they’re looking to you for an answer, you’re all wet.

All the best,

John

I came across a phrase that jumped out at me from the book THE CALM CENTER by Steve Taylor: “Thought related pain.”

It occurred to me that all suffering is thought related pain. We all know what physical pain is: it’s felt in our body. We may not be aware that most pain we suffer is thought related.

The mental pain we experience begins with a thought and is sustained by thought.

When we are in emotional pain, its generator is thought.

We’re not going to stop thinking anytime soon, but we can begin to start noticing more. Noticing our thoughts, while they are happening, short circuits them and stops them from elongating thought related pain.

Notice that thought keeps mental pain alive. Then notice your thoughts. Just by observing your thoughts, you alleviate your suffering, which is thought related pain.

Observe your mind at work as a bystander vs. being a participant in the thought process, and you’ll open a drain for your pain.

Medication may take away your physical pain, but only you can end the suffering by noticing thought related pain.

All the best,

John