All of us have depth; we just don’t know it.

What is depth? – that which goes past superficial and rote.

We’ve all heard the expression “Depth of Character” and on some level we appreciate what that means even if we cannot articulate it. The experience is much like describing beauty; we make an effort but our representation (description, picture, painting, etc.) falls short of the beauty itself.

Depth is deeper than we normally go. It’s really my concept of THE GRASSHOPPER – the part of us that lets the truth slip out from time to time. Not the relative truth but the truth that can only come from the one source of everything. Depth is tapping into that source.

You were born with depth and it remains with you your entire life, but for many of us depth remains like continually lost keys. We know they’re somewhere; we just can’t find them.

Many years ago I had the good fortune to come under the tutelage of a savvy broadcast veteran named Paul Hennings in Norfolk, VA. Paul taught us the magic of the – pause. He said that just about everyone could speak the words, but few knew how to pause to let the message have more impact.

The pause is the pathway to depth. The pause allows us to wait for an appropriate response – one that’s deeper than rote.

Most of our interactions with others are on automatic pilot. The conversation takes on a bland life of its own, until we pause and allow depth to show up.

You owe people the benefit of your depth and vice-versa.

Please don’t confuse this with talking about “deep” topics. That’s often superficiality of the highest order. No, depth is a naturalness that trumps all the surface noise that comes before it.

Depth is not cagey, clever or glib. It comes out much softer and packs the wallop of a sledge hammer in its ability to capture your attention.

The pathway to depth is punctuated with pauses. Learn how to wait for the magic of your depth. You won’t win the instant answer contest or get the blue ribbon for blather, but if you pause . . . you’ll have access to the calm and still that bypasses will. It’s called depth.

All the best,

John

What if, suddenly, you couldn’t breathe, how focused would you be on getting oxygen?

My guess is it would be your only focus.

I was flying last week and was seated next to a young woman from Cambodia. We struck up a conversation and eventually she asked me this question: “Do you set goals?” I laughed and mentioned that the parent name of our company is “Goals International.”

Then I let her question sit for a moment and responded. I drew a horizontal line with my finger on the back of the seat in front of her. I said, “Imagine the far left of the line represented Zero and the far right of the imaginary line represented 100% (an exercise I learned from Jerry Stocking). Then I took my finger to about the 25% mark and indicated where some of my goals currently lived. I labeled them as “Nice to have.”

“Nice to have” goals have about the same chance of happening as winning the lottery.

I then took my finger to about the 85% mark and said, “Goals that live here are in the neighborhood of ‘if I can’t get this, I won’t be able to breathe’.”

My experience is that goals you really want to achieve have to be like needed oxygen in order to come to fruition. They need more than a casual focus.

Please don’t confuse this with setting a step-by-step plan. That is a helpful strategy AFTER you feel the requisite need, but too many people put their efforts into the plan without having enough emotional juice to launch it. I believe they call that “Bass Ackwards.”

The “7 Steps to Success” plans all are valuable tools, but if you are working with an anemic goal, you’re planning to keep your wheels spinning.

Take a look at any recurring goal you’ve had for a long time. IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

It’s not going to happen unless and until you elevate it to the category of needed oxygen.

This probably goes counter to everything you’ve heard about goal setting but, by and large, goal setting is ineffective. If you need proof, just look at your long list of unfulfilled New Year’s Resolutions.

Dreaming is also a part of the goal setting formula but it’s over emphasized. Dreaming or envisioning a “nice to have goal” may produce momentary reverie but, absent of any real need, it will become part of the flock of failures.

Daydreaming is a nice way to escape but a poor way to plan your future.

If you have a list of goals, may I suggest that you prioritize them and find the ones that need oxygen and breathe life into them. They are worth dreaming and planning for. The other ones are like the “C” list of your wedding guests – the first ones that need to be cut.

Here’s to taking a nice deep breath!

All the best,

John

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I was reading through some material that ad writing Guru, David Garfinkel sent me and found his description of objection fascinating.

He basically says that when a person objects, it just means they don’t believe – so simple, so profound.

Have you ever encountered someone who really could benefit by what you had to offer but their disbelief stood in the way?

You can’t get them to come over to your position by making them wrong. That NEVER works. “Wrong” is a frustration of not being able to get through to someone. It smacks of superiority and will close the door to communication at lightning speed.

My strategy for disbelief in the past was to counter with facts and figures that would certainly get a person to see the light I was seeing. That RARELY works.

Then I found out the way that has a much better batting average – honoring their disbelief. In NLP jargon, it’s called joining their model of the world.

When you position yourself on the other side of the line in the sand from someone, it’s a surefire way to get sand kicked in your face.

When you honor someone’s belief, you are temporarily adopting it to see how it feels. That way, you can engender some empathy for their position. What does it feel like to be them?

When you rent their disbelief, it’s easier for you to find a passageway out that makes sense for them, rather than have them walk your prefabricated path.

Additionally, the great teachers that came before us all taught us the power of the story to communicate ideas that people have conscious resistance to. The story has a way of disengaging their disbelief (objections) and opening them up to a new angle of view.

That reminds me of a story . . .

Many people who come to my seminars don’t believe that the routines they run are locked in time. For example, most people who smoke began as teenagers. What adult smokers have a hard time believing is that every time they light up, it’s the teenager in them that instigates the act. The smoking pattern they developed is locked in time even though they have physically and mentally matured.

Rather than address that head on, I ask an adult in the group (usually a big muscular guy) if their mother or father has a look they can give them that can freeze them in their tracks, or can say their name in a certain tone of voice that terrifies them. It’s amusing to see a big hulk of a fellow admit that his 5′ 1″ mother can make him feel 5 years old again with just a look or tone of voice.

That part of them that can still become terrified is locked in time. That pattern never got updated and it reacts as though they are still 5 years old. After this demonstration, it’s easier for someone to appreciate that their smoking pattern is also locked in time.

Rather than tell them “I know,” it’s always easier for them to see another angle of view when they discover it for themselves. You, without objection, lead them down a path with a trail of breadcrumbs until they fill themselves up with a new belief.

If you want to help someone release their objection, a good start is to adopt their angle of view to find out what it feels like to be them. Next, craft a story that parallels their situation and salt it with evidence that counters their current belief.

This method doesn’t counter the objection all the time but it’s a more efficient way of disengaging someone’s belief rather than making them wrong or facting them to death.

All the best,

John

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It seems the only people who don’t complain are dead. It’s one of the things we humans do.

Some, though, have made it into an art form. Such was the case yesterday when my plumber arrived to fix the hot water heater.

The control mechanism on the front of the heater was malfunctioning and needed to be replaced. This entailed draining the heater of all water and removing some of the pipes. It was about an hour’s job. During that time, my plumber complained about everything – the local taxes, the stimulus plan, health care, his family members, our governor, our representatives, the water heater company, the Mexican factories, the Chinese workers, the neighborhood and the ice cream man.

I was mesmerized about the number of things he complained about and the passion he attached to each complaint. Somewhere along the way, I noticed a pack of cigarettes in his pocket. I asked him to imagine that President Obama was on TV addressing him personally and came up with a plan to put money into his pocket right away and improve his health. I asked if he would be interested in hearing that plan. He said “Yes.”

I said, “Here’s the plan: Stop smoking now!”

He briefly addressed his smoking habit and then quickly re-launched his barrage of complaints against everyone and anything. He is truly a serial complainer.

I brought his attention back to his cigarette habit and again he stayed on the topic for a few seconds before going off on another litany of complaints.

It then dawned on me. My plumber was teaching me the strategy of the complainer.

The complainer complains about things they can’t do anything about and doesn’t do anything about the things they can directly influence. That’s a strategy for being a perpetual victim.

Many years ago there was a book by Robert Ringer called “Looking Out For #1.” One of the things I took away from reading that book was this: Complain to the person that can help you. Complaining to the air or to no one in particular always has the same result – more unresolved complaints.

You could easily make a list of things to complain about and add to that list every day. It’s a matter of focus. What if you decided to make a list of complaints that you could do something about and sought out the people who could help you? That’s the beginning of a plan.

I could appreciate complaining more if it made the constant complainer feel better, but the evidence is to the contrary – they feel worse, and so do the people around them. They remain in the noose of negativity and attempt to choke everyone in their path.

It’s hard to remain in the company of a complainer unless you are one yourself. That scenario has you both throw up on each other ad nauseam without noticing, because you aren’t listening to them and they aren’t listening to you.

The way to get heard is to complain to someone who can help you. The way to begin resolving your complaints is to do something about the ones you can influence.

Ask yourself this: What’s my recurring complaint? When you get an answer, find out if it’s something you can influence by taking some action. If not, find out if it’s something that someone can help you with. If not, it’s time to let it go.

Constant complaining is drama of the most annoying order and it’s a surefire way to keep people away from you. People who always complain are, as my uncle used to say, “A pain in the drain.”

There is a plan to resolve our complaints. We just have to stop complaining long enough to act on it.

All the best,

John

http://JohnMorganHypnosis.com

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Gambling has gotten a bad name. Just like the word “discrimination” has come to mean racism; gambling has become synonymous with losing the family grocery money at the craps game.

Every fork in the road is a gamble. Like the old joke goes, “When you get to a fork in the road, take one.”

Gambling is part of life. It’s called risk.

What are the odds of winning without risk? – South of slim.

If you are gambling your money away in the hopes of winning your self-esteem, you are in deep smelly stuff and need intervention NOW!

Conversely, if you are refusing to risk, it’s a bad bet as well. We re-label this behavior as “playing it safe.”

There is no juice generated by the safe spot known as inertia. The jumpstart is risk. Reminds me of a story . . .

My mother was a waitress and I remember that each day she would head off to her job with just enough money in her purse for the subway ride to work. I remember asking, “Isn’t that a bit risky?” She just casually said, “Now, I have to make money.”

It was a combination of risk and trust.

It seems that’s the necessary combination for moving forward. There is a chance it could move you backward, but not as big as the silent risk you take by becoming stationary. That’s a guarantee that you will not grow. In fact, it’s a surefire formula for atrophy.

The next time you are out driving, take a look at the names on the commercial trucks and vans that pass you by. Each one of those businesses at one time took a risk.

If you think risk is for other people, you’ll spend your whole life attempting to drive the car from the passenger seat. You’ll have all the maps and GPS settings but no gas pedal.

Answer this question: What are you unwilling to risk? When you get that answer, you have found your roadblock.

It’s a good bet that the answer to your question is a mental image of yourself – one that you’re unwilling to risk.

It’s just an image that you made up and you can just as easily make up another with a bit of trust. Eventually you’re going to have to trust someone in order to risk; maybe that someone should be you.

Some people need to get into the water a toe at a time while others take the plunge. Both methods will get you the same result. Risking is what gets you to the water’s edge. Trust is what gets you to learn how to swim which reminds me of another story . . .

Many years ago when my youngest son was learning to swim, his instructor said to him, “Remember the magic words – reach and pull.”

The magic words to move forward in life are “risk and trust.”

I’m betting on you!

All the best,

John

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It may seem like I’m stating the obvious here, but those who can’t seem to grasp the concept of gratitude are negative people.

It got me to wondering.

Some folks just approach life from the angle of negativity. It’s conditioning, but we think it’s who they are. No, it’s who they made up and got comfortable with.

Gratitude is an antidote for negativity but it’s a hard sell to someone on the minus side of the ledger.

There are so many things to be grateful for that we can fill up journals with them. If we take time to just meditate on one of the ideas, it’s enough to bring us peace.

But negativity doesn’t look in the direction of gratitude.

I believe there is a way to help. It’s a bridge building strategy to gratitude for any negative Nelly or Ned.

Let’s call it “Negative Gratitude.”

Here’s the concept: You become grateful for the things you don’t have. “I’m grateful I’m not Michael Jackson’s doctor.””I’m grateful I don’t have my in-law’s living with me.” I’m grateful that my feet aren’t as big as Shaquille O’Neal‘s, especially if I get athlete’s foot.” You get the idea.

The list could go on and on and it would resonate with the negative energy generated by these folks. The idea is to introduce them to the feelings that go along with gratitude. Once they have a taste of these feelings, it’s an easier transition to express gratitude for the things they DO have and have the layers of negativity peel away.

It’s the strategy that Colin Tipping uses for people who cannot accept things. Part of his Radical Forgiveness model is acceptance. When someone states to him that they can’t accept something, he asks them if they can accept that they can’t accept it. He’s introducing them to acceptance from the back door.

I can assure you that “Be Positive” is a message that will never reach a negative person simply because there is no strategy offered with the suggestion. They don’t know how, and your suggestion doesn’t contain requisite instructions.

Gratitude will get you more positive but someone negative needs more than “Be grateful for what you have” to find gratitude.

Negative Gratitude may just be the introduction these people need to enjoy the healing properties that embracing gratitude delivers.

If you’re having trouble finding something to be grateful for, make the effort to find some gratitude for something you don’t have. You may get two gifts for the price of one – Gratitude and Empathy.

All the best,

John

http://JohnMorganHypnosis.com

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The Grasshopper seems to come out to play when he’s on an airplane. Such was the case when he served as flight attendant and gave me this:

“A calcified heart has no room for forgiveness.”

Hardening of the arteries is something that science is working on but hardening of the heart is not on its radar screen. Such an oversight!

Whether it’s an elongated grudge, feud, war or spat, the result is always the same – the heart hardens.

The downside is the hardening happens for all parties engaged in conflict. It’s the silent killer of forgiveness.

As stated on numerous occasions, I don’t believe that you have the power to forgive anyone. Forgiveness, like the concept of grace, arrives when it arrives. It’s a gift, not a commodity that you keep on the shelf to parcel out when you deem it necessary.

You have to be open for forgiveness to flow. You can preach forgiveness from atop Mount Everest and no one receives the message, including you, if you’re hanging on to bitterness.

There has to be an opening in order for forgiveness to work its softening miracle.

How do we open up to forgiveness? It’s simpler than it seems. We just have to be open to the idea.

Let’s face it, what is your grudge other than an idea that you’re open to? What if you decided to be open to forgiveness?

In the past, the concept never even got to the negotiating table and the hardening got worse. What if it now becomes an agenda item? The chances for it happening have just increased. There is no chance if it’s not allowed in the meeting room.

Here’s a crazy notion: Open yourself up to the idea of forgiveness and see what happens.

You may just find a soft spot in your heart for this idea.

All the best,

John

http://JohnMorganHypnosis.com

http://GrasshopperNotes.com

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I’ve never found a four leaf clover

I’ve never had a hole in one

I am a work in progress

With many things to be done

Happy Fourth of July!

John

PS I encourage you to read last year’s blog on Fireworks. I think you’ll find it implosive.

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I met an aspiring poet yesterday. Her name is Emily.

It’s not often that you get to witness someone’s dreams oozing out over just an hour’s lunch, but there it was in full view for anyone willing to observe and inquire about.

Emily is a college student/waitress who travels with pastel pencils, pens and a note book. She’s artistic but calls herself a poet/writer. She wears the uniform of the budding artist but she doesn’t know it’s a uniform yet.

These folks are easy to spot and easy to dismiss, but you do so at the expense of your own enrichment.

Ask anyone about their hopes, aspirations and dreams and you will make a new friend. More importantly, you help keep the conduit open between them and their creative self. Be careful though, some of that oozing passion just may awaken some of that desire that you’ve hidden away causing you to dream again.

Emily is discovering her creativity and is not sure how to apply it yet. That doesn’t make her any different than most people of her age. In fact, it doesn’t make her any different than people of any age. The difficulty I see, at one point, is burying your creative self with expectations that impede its progress.

These expectations serve as steel walls that creativity cannot fully scale. The sheer force of creativity will allow some of it to permeate these walls – enough to let us know that something more powerful than our expectations is present.

Expectation leads to self doubt which leads to atrophy which leads to lethargy. This progression contains a lot of starts and stops until we just shut down.

The self doubt that is felt is a result of the condemnation of not reaching expectations. It all boils down to this: “I am not enough.”

Depending on which “I” you are talking about, that can be a pretty accurate statement. The “I” that expectation comes from is never enough. It’s a self imposed pressure to measure up to an airbrushed ideal. It’s tough to compete with an enhanced expectation.

The way to give expectation the heave-ho and let creativity in is to just stop acting.

Even the greatest actors of our time cannot recreate the realness of an episode of “Cops.”

Acting out our expectation keeps creativity bottled up and bobbing with the secret message never getting read.

When you drop your act, you automatically let go of expectations and discover the eye of creativity. You begin to see things in a different light and your creations come out unexpectedly.

The expectation to be anybody other than who you are is self imposed. When you release the pressure of expectation, you unleash your creative self.

All the best,

John

http://JohnMorganHypnosis.com

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“What makes me different?” is a question that popped up this morning.

As I began to answer it, I got a host of answers that people can agree on and argue about. Then I got one worth talking about.

I began the answering the question by listing things that most people like that I don’t. For example, I am not a fan of fireworks. I don’t yet appreciate David Letterman or Jay Leno. Monty Python and The Simpsons make me yawn. You can see where these stated preferences are out of the mainstream and could fire up the talk show “back and forth” any day of the week.

You are normal if you took the bait and began to disagree with me. Those are difference. Differences can divide until we find the place where we can all unite.

Believe it or not, there is a place where our opinion doesn’t matter. We rarely go there. Let’s call it “The Agreement Zone.”

There are no talk shows there. There are no soapboxes, pulpits, perches or podia from which to announce your position. In fact, talking is not allowed. The minute you speak, you are automatically ejected. The good news is you are welcomed back anytime you commit to the silence that’s necessary.

There are no personal opinions allowed in The Agreement Zone and you are required to check your intellect and cleverness at the door. “What a dull place” may be your response. That’s where I’ll gently differ with you.

You can proffer what honey tastes like until you burst a blood vessel, but if you’ve never tasted it, you need to take a spoonful before you speak.

Why does everyone agree in The Agreement Zone? Because there is nothing in there on which to disagree. That’s the key; there is nothing there, just endless space where you’ll never bump into an opinion to disagree with, not even your own.

Many never enter The Agreement Zone because they either don’t know of its existence or they’re too busy formulating an argument about untasted honey.

It’s going to be a noisy weekend for most even if you don’t celebrate the 4^th of July.

Here’s a suggestion. Devote a portion of your curiosity to finding The Agreement Zone. Then go through the admission process of checking your opinions, positions, truths, and prejudices at the door and commit to the necessary silence required to enter.

If you can’t find this place on your own, look for a guide, someone who can help you get there. It will be the most peaceful vacation you’ve ever taken. The best news is even the most disagreeable come back with a greater sense of peace.

I’m not sure if The Agreement Zone is listed in the Conde Nast publications but I’ll lobby for it to be added. In fact, I just have.

All the best,

John

http://JohnMorganHypnosis.com

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