Who or what is the love of your life?

It’s the person or thing that gets most of your quality time.

For many, those who get their quality time are their children, partner, family members, friends or co-workers.

For others, their quality time is given to an activity like a hobby – woodworking, photography, painting, writing, crocheting, etc.

However, an alarming number of people spend their quality time with behavior that’s not serving them well. Ask one of these people who or what the love of their life is and they will give you a pat answer that doesn’t match up with their behavior. “Oh, my family comes first.” No, not so if you’re giving someone or something else your quality time.

For example, let’s pretend that you consume enough alcohol to inebriate yourself on a daily basis. Congratulations, you have found the love of your life. You spend your quality time with alcohol.

Your behavior determines who or what gets your quality time, not your intentions.

Quality time is time specifically spent including something or someone. You set aside this time to include your hobby, your hubby, or your hootch, just to name a few.

Not many drunks realize they have a love affair with alcohol. That’s what an addiction is – a love affair where you include your detrimental behavior and exclude those whom you claim are important to you.

If you’ve ever volunteered to be the designated driver, you have witnessed some friends and loved ones have their personality change right before your eyes. Their gathering with friends has become an excuse for them to engage in quality time with their real love – their beverage of choice.

With whom or what you spend your quality time with is a choice. If you choose drugs, gambling, alcohol, mind numbing TV watching or never ending net surfing, you have shown everyone your first love. Your first love gets your quality time.

The larger the gap between what we say and what we do is a measurement of how badly we have misused our love.

Who or what is the object of your affection? Notice how you spend your quality time and you’ll find your answer. It may not be the prefabricated answer you’ve been giving all these years.

Your real answer can light the way out of darkness. It all begins with asking the question: “Who or what is the real love of my life?”

All the best,

John

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Your biggest discovery won’t be about other people
Your biggest discovery will be about you
It may come wrapped in a small idea
One that contains an unmistakable clue

Your biggest discovery is about your identity
And when you find it you’ll know it’s true
It’s been hidden in plain sight all of these years –
The person you made up and got comfortable with is not you

All the best,

John

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While shoveling snow yesterday, The Grasshopper put in an appearance wearing a Santa hat and had this to say: “The brain remembers; the mind adds meaning.”

There’s something about more than two feet of snow that makes you remember other times when a heavy snow has fallen.

It’s amazing that you can be transported to another time when something very similar happened. Such was the case yesterday. I remembered various times of days gone by in vivid detail. There was both laughter and melancholy associated with each memory.

The brain can’t help but remember. That’s one of its functions. Adding meaning is where we get stuck in a big snow drift.

There is no meaning to a memory unless we add one. Memory is pure stimulus/response.

Heavy snow/memory

Adding a meaning has also become automated for us through conditioning. “I dreamt of money last night so that means I’m going to hit the lottery.” No, you dreamt about money.

Adding meaning to something always distorts that something away from its pure form and weaves it into an illusion that can create lots of drama.

I had many memories triggered by yesterday’s snow. I had lots of responses to those memories. The minute I began to add meaning to the responses, I was headed down a trail where I would be spinning my wheels. Lucky for me, I caught the meaning machine before it went awry and ran amok.

Sometimes we don’t catch it in time. That always leads us to the pseudo land of meaning filled with countless interpretations for one memory.

It snowed heavily yesterday. It triggered several memories about past snows – some heartwarming and others gut wrenching.

Adding meaning to these memories can cause an avalanche that keeps you trapped in a place that doesn’t exist – except in your mind.

Become aware of your meaning machine. It will turn on at the slightest tremor and attempt to lead you down the slippery slope of no return.

It’s up to you to take notice. No one else can do it for you and no one else can save you but you.

Have your memory and feel its attendant feeling and emotion.

Just avoid adding meaning. It’s meaningless.

All the best,

John

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It’s certainly accurate enough to say that we possess thoughts. It’s even more precise to point out that we are possessed by thoughts.

We don’t hold them as much as they hold us.

The Grasshopper was up at the crack of dawn this morning and had this to say: “You’re not possessed by thought when you notice it.”

It’s in that moment of noticing that you find freedom – freedom from possession.

We can easily see how the ancients came up with the concept of demonic possession when we notice the grasp that thought has on us. If it’s saying awful things to you and you can’t chase it away, it’s time for an exorcism.

The only ritual you need do is notice.

Noticing your thoughts opens the door to freedom. Like all worthwhile habits, it takes some cultivating, some practice.

Thoughts want to get comfy, kick their shoes off and hang around longer than Benjamin Franklin advised entertaining company. And they are loud, insulting, threatening, crass and all sorts of improper.

Notice that it’s your house and you can show them the door at any time.

Stop for a moment and notice your thoughts. Don’t engage them in debate or admonish them, just passively notice them. This small bit of attention is enough to crack the door ajar and let them slither away.

This is not a one-time thing. They’ll be back. They like the free room and board and they love a good argument.

The key is to practice noticing. The more efficient you get at it, the less they come around.

If you haven’t written to Santa yet, you may want to ask for a prized possession – the gift of noticing.

All the best,

John

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Did you ever notice that you are oftentimes in “one of your moods?” We all are.

Sad, happy, euphoric, pissed off, or otherwise, we are forever and a day subject to a mood.

Moods, if you’ll excuse the expression, most often, come from out of the blue. All of a sudden it’s on our doorstep without warning.

Our mood can remain in place for minutes, hours, days or decades if we don’t act.

We get a clue every time we notice we’re in a mood as to how to extricate ourselves from it.

That key is the noticing itself.

Who’s noticing that you’re in a mood? Answer: The part of you that notices.

This part of you that does the noticing of your behavior is your savior.

Noticing is the wedge that separates you from your mood. Notice that you’re not in the mood when you’re noticing it. It’s a moment of respite – a break in the action if you will.

Noticing is your ticket to freedom.

Let’s pretend that you discover that you’re in one of your frazzled frames of mind. It’s what you do next that determines how long your mood will last.

Most folks go looking for the reason they’re in a mood. That never works. 99.9% of the time we are looking for someone or something to blame for our mental unrest. That just insures that our mood hangs around longer.

What if you just noticed that you were in a mood without all the attendant recrimination? Instead of saying, “Damn, I’m in a lousy mood and it’s because of this that or the other thing,” what would happen if you just noticed?

What if you just unemotionally said, “I’m noticing I’m in an un-resourceful frame of mind”? Did you notice there was a period at the end of the last sentence? Stop the conversation after noticing.

Once you notice, you now have an opportunity to move out of the mood. Here’s how: Notice where the feeling registers in your body and stay with that feeling. Keep your attention on the physical sensation of the mood without any conversation of “why” you’re in a mood.

The more you keep your attention focused on the physical sensation that accompanies the mood, the quicker the mood will dissipate. I call it the metabolization of moods.

Justifying your mood is an invitation for a long visit with a boring relative, or worse. The more you talk about it the worse it gets. You’re at the mercy of your mood’s timetable if you don’t notice and feel. The more people you tell about your mood, the more you reinforce it. You may not have noticed, until now, that “mood” rhymes with “brood.”

Teach yourself how to notice and feel. It’s a skill worth cultivating. It’s a one-way ticket out of town for your ‘tude of a mood.

All the best,

John

I remember that we were instructed in grammar school to STOP, LOOK & LISTEN when approaching railroad tracks. It could be a mantra for life.

STOP is an interruption of what we are doing. Since most of what we do is automated, patterned behavior, it’s beneficial to stop every once in a while and enjoy an intermission. STOP brings you back to the moment.

LOOK is observing what’s actually going on. There is a lot of thinking about what’s going on, but very little looking. How often have you asked yourself, “Why do I always do that?” Rather than ask why, look at the behavior that generates what you do. The behavior, itself, is the offending party, yet we get caught up in the thoughts about behavior, many times in an effort to defend it. LOOK at what you are doing.

LISTEN for something new. You can cite chapter and verse how your patterned thinking is going to react. LISTEN for another answer – one that’s not so well rehearsed, ingrained or top of mind. When you LISTEN in this way, new ideas come out to play.

The most important one didn’t make it into the mantra – FEEL.

We are feeling beings first and foremost. Remember: Feelings were present long before we learned the labels for them.

FEEL is a rusted barometer for most of us. It’s been unused for so long, that we forgot we had such a powerful tool. Get out the WD-40 and make it operational again.

You will FEEL an answer well before it forms pictures in your mind or words in your head. FEEL is the first responder. Pay attention to your body, It will run circles around your intellect when it comes to true knowing.

There’s no rule that says you can’t begin your New Year’s resolution NOW. May I recommend FEEL, STOP, LOOK & LISTEN.

All the best,

John

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I was at the post office yesterday with millions of my neighbors.

It was busier than an “All you can eat” buffet after THE BIGGEST LOSER finale.

When I was about 3^rd in line, John, the postal worker yelled over to me and said, “Can you hypnotize me to think I’m on the island of Tortola?” I asked, “Is that so that you don’t have to be here?” He laughed.

Then The Grasshopper appeared out of nowhere and said, “You can only get there by being here.”

John paused and said, “That is so true.”

The reality is you have to go through here to get to wherever there is. How many moments do we miss getting there?

When we live our lives like that, the “there” experience is anti-climactic. That’s because when we get there, we are so in the habit of being elsewhere that we miss that coveted experience too.

It’s the holidays. Getting to the official date is not the mission, just like the mission in dancing is not to get to the end of the song.

Take in all the moment has to offer and watch your holidays get brighter.

Getting there is a mission; being here is mission accomplished.

Sing along with the Christmas songs on the radio; let someone in traffic; put money in Salvation Army kettle. Slow down and savor the moment. It’s the only one that’s guaranteed.

Whoever said “You can’t get there from here” was sadly mistaken. It’s the ONLY route.

All the best,

John

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Imagine a sponge and its finite capacity for absorption. Now imagine that sponge is entirely filled with you. That’s self absorption.

There is no room in your sponge for anyone else. Using the Seinfeld reference, you are the only one who is “Sponge worthy.”

It’s easy to see it in others. Look no further than the current news and the Tiger Woods saga – self absorbed.

Self absorbed is different than self interest.

Mother Teresa had self interest but she wasn’t self absorbed. She got something out of the wonderful deeds she did. That’s self interest. It’s not a negative concept.

Self absorption is a wounding piece of behavior – for both the owner and those who enter their path.

When you are the only one who exists, you are blinded to the needs of others, even those who are close to you. This causes you to soak up all there is for you, and others, if they are lucky, get dripped on.

When my needs are perpetually paramount and supersede all others, I’m self absorbed.

I hurt myself by alienating those around me causing them to eventually just go away. I’m left alone to sponge bath myself.

I hurt others by continually communicating that their needs are not as important as mine.

What will it take to get you to recognize this behavior? For many, it’s death’s doorstep.

Self absorption leaves clues. Simply look at the number of people who mysteriously disappear from your life.

I believe we all go through a period of self absorption. How long we stay there is truly up to us.

When you discover that others aren’t a satellite to your sun, it causes you to squeeze your self absorbed sponge. This makes room to soak up the needs of others which makes us more complete.

If your sponge is filled to capacity, this will make no sense to you.

If, however, it sparked some curiosity, it’s close enough to that time of year to wring out the old and soak in the new.

All the best,

John

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Are you just doing or accomplishing?

The difference is focus.

It seems when we are unfocused, we are just doing.

Focus follows purpose.

It seems if we have a purpose, we can more easily marshal the resources necessary to focus and accomplish something. If we’re just doing, we manufacture defective “O” rings.

I believe there is value to set aside time for idle doing. Play solitaire on the computer, surf the net for amusement or rinse the good china just for fun.

The confusion for most is they confuse activity with accomplishment. They are birds with different feathers.

Most people labeled as “Lazy” are just unfocused. Reminds me of a story . . .

Years ago a fellow that worked for me was making preventable mistakes during his broadcast. I called his attention to them. He said, “My doctor says I suffer from ADD.” (Attention Deficit Disorder). I then asked if he had any trouble making love with his girlfriend. He said, “No, things are great in that department.” I then let him know that ADD isn’t selective and that he needed to bring the same focus he used in the bedroom to his broadcast. His focus quickly returned.

I am a big proponent of the notion that structure fosters creativity. Back to broadcasting . . .

If you allow a broadcaster carte blanche with the amount of time they can talk, they will fill it up with tripe. If you give them timed windows of opportunity, the talk becomes more purposeful and focused.

This leads me to the number one structural aid for the idle doer – a list.

Become like Santa. Make a list and check it twice.

Two things will happen:

1. You’ll have a purpose.
2. Idle doing becomes a planned activity.

If you are noticing a lack of accomplishment in your life, take a close look at what you’re doing. My suspicion is that you become a scatterbrain when you lack structure.

Suggestion: Make a list!

All the best,

John Morgan

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The only argument against intuition seems to come from those who block it – which includes all of us.

The highest decibel arguments seem to come from the Über educated, “If I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist” crowd. Although, I haven’t heard them deny the wind yet.

The blockage of intuition comes from thinking about it.

Intuition is first and foremost a feeling, and we humans are experts in blocking feelings we don’t like or don’t understand.

Intuition, as Scotch drinkers will say, is an acquired taste. If we want to be even more precise, intuition is a reacquired taste.

We’re born with it but it quickly gets crowded out when our intellect develops and gets filled with our care givers’ conditioned programming.

Our education system, both formal and informal puts its sole focus on developing our intellect. There are no classes at home or school called: “Pay attention to your feelings.”

We all get signals all the time that we blindly walk past. How many times have you paid the price by letting your intellect override your gut? For most of us it’s an everyday occurrence.

Intuition, like opportunity, is always knocking. We’re just not answering the door.

The key to finding your intuition is to pay attention. We get backstage signals all the time but ignore them as meaningless.

The next time you get an “odd” feeling, give it your full attention. This is a calibration process. Get in the habit of stopping and noticing the feelings your body is putting out. The more attention you give to them, the more calibrated you become.

Don’t be too surprised if you start hearing the word “Psychic” from time to time. Paying attention to your feelings delivers more of that abundant natural resource called “Intuition.”

The proof is in the doing, not the thinking.

A way to jumpstart this process is to stop giving pre-fab answers all the time. Take a moment to consider the question and allow yourself the freedom to let an unformed answer surface, rather than use the rote one you’ve given a thousand times.

Intuition is easy to talk about but needs kinesthetic recognition to become calibrated. Finding your intuition requires paying attention to your feelings on a consistent basis. Once you get in the habit of doing this, you become a conduit for intuition.

Turning your attention to your feelings is called “Insight.”

All the best,

John

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