How did YOU get to where you are? There is a path you followed and you will continue to follow it as long as you defend your actions.

Here are the types of unreasonable statements that indicate a porous defense.

The reason I drink is because . . .

The reason I spend more money than I make . . .

The reason I philandered . . .

The reason I gamble . . .

The reason I am uncommunicative . . .

The minute you justify an unjustifiable position, you set the course of continuation.

Here are some second cousins to reasons:

I make no apology for . . .

If you were me, you would have done the same thing . . .

I had no choice but to . . .

I would do it the same way again.

These type statements keep you deep in a hole that you’ll never climb out of until you retire your defense. You may be able to get people to agree and commiserate with your logic but that only insures you’ll have company in the hole.

Climbing out of a hole begins with noticing you’re in one. Defenders don’t seem to own that sensory acuity.

Reminds me of a story that’s currently in the news . . .

Football player, Michael Vick, a convicted felon, has filed for bankruptcy. He was denied. The judge told him that he didn’t need 3 luxury cars and to resubmit a plan that included the sale of those vehicles.

Part of his downfall was lavishly spending money, more than he had. His proposition to the court for keeping the 3 luxury cars demonstrates a defensive mindset that paved the way to his financial ditch in the first place. Michael Vick will crash back into the ditch he’s in if he doesn’t make a shift in his angle of approach.

If you’re in the habit of continually defending yourself, you’ll wind up in a personal prison that’s hard to escape from. You will replicate your mistakes and get no time off for good behavior. It can be a life sentence, until you notice.

Notice what you’re defending. Just by summoning this observational awareness, you open up a space to escape.

Also notice that what you’re defending got you to where you don’t currently want to be. Your strategy was flawed. Defending that strategy multiplies the flaws and they will keep you mired in the muck.

Begin to notice how many times you defend something that isn’t working. This awareness is your parole board. The more often you notice the more rehabilitated you become.

To sum up, allow me to leave you with one of my favorite quotes.

All the best,

John