Their "idiosyncrasies" are a reflection of parts of you that you don't know.

We all have parts - known and unknown. Sometimes it takes another to bring those unknown parts of us to the fore. The mistake we make is claiming to be nothing like the part of another that we don't like.

Parents come to mind. How many of us have distanced ourselves from our parents by saying something like, "I'll never be like that"? Wait a few years and watch that part of you that you claim you'll never have show up and have a speaking role.

This doesn't mean that we'll be a carbon copy of another whose actions we label as admirable or despicable. We just need to know that that part of us lives somewhere and under certain conditions will show itself. Reminds me of a story . . .

About 7 years ago I was attending a seminar. A group of us got together for the evening to hang out. One of the women in the group took aim at a minority group and I engaged her in debate. It wasn't pretty. After the dust settled, we had an opportunity to talk less heatedly one-to-one. It was from that encounter that I learned a valuable lesson.

I had a revelation when I said to her, "If I grew up in your house, I'd be exactly like you." The reverse was also true. Our parts were cultivated in different ways, yet they existed.

Many years ago my grand old teacher, Dave Dobson said, "Get closer to people who have patterns that are different than yours and learn."

What I didn't realize then is the learning is more about you than it is about them. When we take the time to explore others, we are really exploring ourselves more deeply. We often find layers of hidden denial that keep us separated from our true self - the animating life force that permeates everything. At that level, we are all delightfully the same.

Finding your hidden parts is sort of like hearing yourself on a recording for the first time. People don't usually recognize their own voice and say something like, "Do I really sound like that?"

"Do I really act like that?" Yes we do. We just don't recognize that part of ourselves.

There are many tender parts of us to discover as well.

Here's the rule on part finding: If you recognize it in another, you have access to it yourself.

It's useful to find our parts. They may be hindering us from enjoying life more by staying hidden or acting as a barrier between us and our true essence.

The minute you have a judgement about another, know that you are judging a part of yourself. This awareness helps us get closer to the parts of us we keep hidden. Some of those parts have to be weeded and some have to be fertilized and watered.

Self discovery begins by discovering that you are the same as others. The only difference is percentages.

The next time you are arguing with the person on TV, take a moment and find the part of you that's just like them. This discovery contains the kernel of forgiveness, and it helps you get closer to who you really are by noticing what's in the way.

 

All the best,

John