You Will Respond - Grasshopper

When presented with a stimulus, you will respond. Even a non-response is a response. It’s the “push gets a pull” dynamic at work. So what does this mean to you?

It means, when presented with a stimulus, you get a choice. Many of our choices are automatic. They’re conditioned reactions. For example, if every time someone says, “black,” you say, “white,” that’s a conditioned reaction. It’s as natural as breathing to you.

But suppose that conditioned reaction is getting in your way? 

First, notice it, as it’s happening, and then reel it in. Using the black/white example, if your automatic reaction to “black” is “white,” after you react, choose to correct yourself and respond with “blue,” or “red,” or any other color of the rainbow.

Side note: There is a difference between a reaction and a response. A reaction is often automatic with no thought. A response takes some thought on your part and offers you a menu of choices.

That’s the beauty of responses, you get a bevy of options to offer back to the stimulus.

If you’ve been in a relationship for more than a minute, you can predict with laser accuracy how your partner will react to something specific you’ve said or done many times before. The reverse is also true. They can predict your reaction too.

So here’s what to do: The next time your partner offers you a predictable stimulus, instead of reacting, pause, and wait for a list of alternate choices from your mind. These are responses. Select one of them and offer it back to their stimulus. 

Here’s what’ll happen: you’ll throw a monkey wrench into that communication. It’ll go somewhere different than it has countless times before, and you’ll communicate about something new, rather than the old, predictable fat you normally chew.

But the real message here is you have a choice to any given stimulus. You don’t have to go down the same, dead end hallway you been down before, because when you respond you have the option to open a different door.

Bottom line: You will respond, but now you have a choice.

All the best,