I’m Not - Grasshopper

I have a confession to make. I have a light red flag go up when I hear someone say, “I’m not” followed by an adjective or noun.

For example, in the case of adjectives,“I’m not judgmental” or “I’m not prejudiced” come to mind.

In the category of nouns, you may say, “I’m not a hoarder” or “I’m not a bigot.”

My mind goes from “you’re not” to “you are” when I hear “I’m not.”

I’ll admit that “I’m not” always correct in my assessments, but my batting average is above average.

For the most part, “I’m not” statements contain a lot of hidden denial. It’s difficult to go deeper with a person who tells you who or what they’re not.

These type of declarations don’t lead you in the direction of who they are, because they’re stuck in a pit of “I’m not” tar.

A second cousin to “I’m not” is when you hear someone say, “I’m a person who . . .” For example, “I’m a person who gives people the benefit of the doubt.” Or, “I’m a person who doesn’t gossip.” Alarm bells start ringing in my head.

But this isn’t just about others. It applies to us as well. Notice what “I’m not” statements you make and you’ll find the recipe for a lopsided cake.

These type proclamations are not baked in if you notice the ingredients before you add them to the mix.

Start to notice your “who you are” or “who you’re not” exhortations and make it a mission to reduce their use. And you’ll find more of your engine and less of your caboose.

All the best,