“What Is ‘It’?” - Grasshopper

We’ve all heard the phrase “It is what it is.” That signifies the reality of the present. But it seems we ignore, deny, or sugarcoat the reality of the past. Our past can be accurately summed up with this phrase: “It is what it was.”

I saw this quote from psychologist Dr. Richard Young that puts a damper on our attempts at revisionist history. He said, “The key for healing from trauma is giving up all hopes of having a better past.”

“It” is what it was. And no amount of spin will turn it into a win.

Reminds me of a story I’ve told before. I had a boyhood friend who was a self-taught, gifted musician. He was also a life-long drunk. He drank to some state of numbness everyday, except when he was incarcerated for multiple driving under the influence offenses.

He was a member of many local bands over the years and in spite of his drinking made a living at it. I ran into him in his late 30s and he told me the reason he wasn’t more successful as a musician was because his father refused to give him the money when he was 18 to buy a specific brand of organ he wanted. That’s was his “IT.”

Had he had a better past, he would be more successful. Sorry, no amount of pretending or re-rendering will paint what it was into a Rembrandt no matter how much we rant.

Seems we remove ourselves as the cause and put the onus on others as to our effect. Translation: I had nothing to do with how I got here.

Putting yourself back in the picture is a start. Adopting the mantle of personal responsibility, layer by layer, will get you there. Once you acknowledge you had a part, you’ll start putting the horse before the cart and ride the path from what “It” was to what “It” is.

All the best,