Tolerance - Grasshopper

We learned about story telling in elementary school. The basic structure is beginning, middle, and end. Beginning and end are the bookends; Middle, like an Oreo® cookie, is the sweet spot.

How you start out may have a lot to do with where you end up. Beginnings are where most conditioning is learned. We may carry that conditioning to the very end unless we notice it and choose to do something about it.

Conditioning can be good, bad, or not matter at all. If you were part of the Hatfield or McCoy families, your conditioning to hate the other family may have gone on for over a century. Or if you grew up in a family structure where “proper” manners were taught, you’ll greet all the people you meet with dignity. Now that takes care of good and bad. But what about doesn’t matter at all?

That falls into the category of harmless preferences or patterns. For example, like the way you hang toilet paper, over the top or down the back, ketchup on French Fries, or elbows on the table.

Now if you blanched at any one of those preferences, you’re being held captive by your conditioning. It’s going to take some reconditioning for your preferences not to matter and cease being a wedge between you and another.

The middle is where most reconditioning takes place. We may discover that we don’t have to do it the way our parents did it, and we can learn tolerance they may not have taught us.

My mom used to say, “That’s why they make chocolate and vanilla.” A reconditioned version of her phrase may be, “That’s why Baskin-Robbins exists.”

“Tolerate” is a  trigger word for many. To them, it means they have to choke back their discomfort or animus to a different way of doing things. That’s not reconditioning, that’s just  temporary repositioning. For forbearance to become a way of life, “tolerate” has to become synonymous with “incorporate.”

If you don’t spend your middle learning to acquiesce, it’s likely that where you end up will be quite the mess.

It’s not too late to rewrite your story. It begins by noticing that your way isn’t the only way, and considering that their way may lead to a brighter day.

Personally, I’m in the middle of this story. It’s still a work in progress for me, not to regress to the conditioning of my way being the only way to dot every “i” and cross every “t.”  

All the best,