I Plan To Be . . . - Grasshopper

Have you ever pre-planned being angry? That means you had a conversation with yourself like this: if “X” happens, then I’ll be “Y.”

“If my daughter comes home late for dinner, then I’ll be mad.” If you examine that a little more closely, you’ll notice that you’ll be angry at least twice: once when you had the conversation with yourself and then again when she finally arrives.

 

If you plan to be a certain way: angry, sad, hurt, disappointed, etc., you unnecessarily multiply your pain by pre-living it over and over again.

 

Imagine a football player saying this to himself. “When I get tackled, it’s gonna hurt.” He’s gets hurt twice: once in his mind and then again on the field. This mindset presupposes how you will feel and gives you a painful dress rehearsal.

 

What if you substituted this conversation instead? “If ‘X’ happens, then I’ll be how I’ll be.” By not filling in the blank with your preordained emotion, you give yourself options as to how to respond if and when “X” happens, and, more importantly, you won’t cause yourself any angst in advance.

 

It takes a little work to begin thinking this way, but when you get better at it, you’ll reduce your dismay.

 

It’s learning the difference between a reaction and a response. A reaction gives you no choice; a response presents options.

 

So, if you plan to be a certain way, plan to be how you’ll be, and you’ll avoid getting out over your skis.

 

All the best,