Repercussions - Grasshopper

"What goes around comes around," "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction," and "A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted" are pieces of wisdom we're all familiar with. What they all signify are patterns.

Patterns in nature and patterns in people are the organizing principles that determine how we live our lives.

 

We adapt to the patterns of nature but not so much to the patterns of people. Perhaps that's because we think their patterns are not as good as ours, so we oppose them.

 

This isn't a major revelation, but it was to me: In order to help another adjust or outgrow their patterns we have to outgrow one of ours which is: "they have to adopt mine."

 

There is a major repercussion when we insist that people be like us: an unscalable wall is built. The only way to get to the other side is to give up the bromide, "If I were you."

 

If there is one thing I have indelibly learned, it is this: people won't change their patterns because you want them to. And furthermore, if they didn't ask for your help to change, don't offer it. It only makes the wall steeper.

 

The reaction to unsolicited advice is that you will pay a price. The person will view your "wisdom' as judgement and turn on their heel and walk away.

 

I'll leave you with a story . . . Some years ago I was attending a workshop and was part of an after class get together. One of the participants said something I thought was deeply offensive and totally opposite to what I believed. My reaction was to figuratively throw a hand grenade under the table where this person was sitting to blow up their position and agree with me. The argument escalated to the point where this person left in a huff. They came back about an hour later and asked to speak privately. We stepped outside and basically offered apologies for how we treated each other. And then these words left my mouth: "Ya know, if I grew up in your house, I would be just like you, and if you grew up in my house, you'd be just like me." We both enjoyed a laugh.

 

All the best,
John