That type of attention has never brought us a solution, just some platitudes that will never change our attitude. "Oh, you poor dear, something good will come of this." Really!! How?? Nothing good has ever come out of self-pity, only justifications for keeping that tired song on the jukebox.

The problem is that self-pity is the only song we know. We don't take the time to strum some new chords to feel some different vibrations that lead us off on a new riff. "Poor me" may have been a million seller once, but when it comes to generating solutions it truly keeps us in the cellar.

It's natural to want our situation to be acknowledged for the pain it has caused us. But to keep singing about it loudly over and over again, year after year, locks us in on the problem and deaf to a solution. "If they only knew the pain I was feeling, they would then understand why I stay the way I am." Those are the limiting lyrics to the self-pity blues.

No one understands your pain. It's yours and yours alone. What we don't seem to realize is that we have to own the pain - feel it fully - before it has any chance of moving on. We want to keep singing the same old song about how painful it is rather than acknowledge the sensations we are currently feeling.

Until we acknowledge and deal with our pain, we won't be able to sing a new refrain. The solution is always the same: Stop talking about it and feel the pain.

It stops the pity party and puts an end to "One Tune Charlie." I'll admit getting the old band back together may feel good for a night or two but if you're only playing that one ditty, I only have pity for you.

All the best,

John