Lonely Is a Sensation - Grasshopper
Alone is an actual set of circumstances; lonely is a concept we made up to explain the sensation that we feel.
Lonely is a sensation, albeit not a pleasant one.
A lonely soul is alone with his repetitive thoughts, not the brilliant ones he gets when he’s not feeling lonely, but the suffering ones that only the sensation of loneliness can produce.
Lonely can be in place when you’re in a place with lots of people. It’s not dependent on another being around or not. Lonely can happen alone or in the company of others.
Note: Wanting to be alone is not a desire to be lonely; it can be a request for space so you can find the spaces between your thoughts.
Some attempt to trick themselves that if they have lots of people around, they won’t feel lonely. The people are a temporary distraction, not a remedy for their loneliness. Others stay “busy” to keep loneliness at bay. The minute you put your feet up, lonely will want to come out and play . . . with your emotions.
The attempt is to talk ourselves out of feeling lonely. That never works. We must feel ourselves out of loneliness. It’s a process, one that begins by isolating the sensation you label as “lonely.” Where does it live in your body?
Is it in your throat, your chest, your stomach, your bowels? Pinpoint the location where lonely lives in your body, then sit with the sensation. You are now becoming familiar with what loneliness actually feels like for you. By staying with the feeling, rather than going off to your head to have a conversation about it, you give loneliness the recognition it has been seeking, rather than offering your diversions of denial that it even exists for you.
Chasing away a feeling is an oxymoron. It chases you back. Learn to settle in to a sensation. Let it have its way. It’s the only chance you have for making it go away.
Lonely saps your energy. Giving the sensation its due takes away its glue and the flow of energy, again, starts flowing through you.
Take some alone time and become familiar with the sensation of loneliness. Once you get past its gruff exterior, you’ll find that it’s the same as any other sensation - one that’s attempting to get your conscious attention. That’s how it feeds itself and stays in place.
The remedy for loneliness is recognizing where the sensation lives and sitting with that feeling until thoughts about it disappear and something gives.
I’ll admit that it’s a counter-intuitive method that delivers results. The only question you have to answer is: Am I willing to be alone with my loneliness? If your answer is “Yes,” you won’t be lonely for long, even if you’re all by yourself.
All the best,
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