The false front has been a human staple long before there was a Hollywood. The key is to recognize that you can’t live an authentic life reading someone else’s lines.

My son was watching the NFL draft on TV over the weekend. It’s an event where professional football teams select college football players to become part of their roster. I walked into his room and saw one of the athletes who had been selected being interviewed via satellite hookup. I had no idea who he was but before he said two sentences, I said to my son, “This is a troubled kid.”

 

As we continued to watch, his story of past troubles began to take shape - a litany of poor, personal choices that made him less desirable to many teams. His remarks about his past being behind him were all the “correct” answers but they were coming from the wrong place. If ever a person’s words and demeanor didn’t match up, this was a textbook case.

 

He said all the right things but my sense was that he was deceiving himself more than anyone. Only time will tell.

 

The larger point is that we’ve all spoken words with authority that we didn’t have the authority to issue. It’s more than not walking your talk; it’s not believing what you just said.

 

What do you continue to offer that you deep down don’t believe? Here’s a hint: It’s usually a defense of an indefensible action. Some say that if we lie to ourselves long enough, we start to believe it. That’s never the case. That uneasy feeling you get each time you offer your façade builds up until you crumble from the inside.

 

You cannot deceive yourself no matter how well you are misinforming others, no matter how polished the script.

 

You know the feeling you get when you recognize someone offering you the right words from the wrong place. What you may not realize is that others get that same feeling about you when your exterior is inferior.

 

The remedy is simple but not easy. Stop telling the lie. When you stop BS-ing yourself, your inner and outer become united and your message is congruent - rather than speaking in the language of deception where you used to be fluent.

 

All the best,

John