It's never a good idea to say everything that's on the tip of your tongue, but if you hold all your cards close to your vest, you are not investing in your future.

Withholding is a strategy that pays paltry dividends. That's because you are not investing yourself; you are taking no risk, thus the expression: "No risk, no reward."

Withholding is a protection strategy that amounts to treading water. There is no forward motion.

Spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle says, "Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world."

You have to buy a ticket if you plan on winning the lottery.

Withholding also has an adverse effect on our mental and physical health as well as our relationships.

Withholding sets up constriction within our body. I have yet to meet a person with an onset of some kind of digestive "itis" who doesn't hold their body tightly. Their body is tense and constricted and it has an effect on their internal organs.

When you emotionally hold back, you deprive another from knowing you and the relationship has trouble moving past any sticking point, because there is no flow. You have to invest yourself in the relationship by letting go of the withholds.

If you think this means giving someone a piece of your mind, I haven't communicated very well. It's more about giving them a piece of your feelings. When you talk about your feelings, you are investing yourself. When you hold back your feelings, you are just storing them up until you can't contain them anymore and they come out as one big explosion.

Getting in the habit of talking about how you feel gets you to withhold less and contribute more.

I am forever grateful to Jerry Stocking for teaching me this helpful technique for communicating without castigating: When you do or say "X," I feel "Y."

For example: "When you come home late without calling, I feel you don't care about me." The usual communication goes something like this: "You always come home late without calling." That's a tongue lashing not an expression of feelings. It's easier to start an argument that goes nowhere with a statement of wrong doing. It's harder to argue with how someone feels.

When you learn how to express how something affects you, you take your withholds off hold and put flow back into your body and your relationships.

All the best,

John