How many stories have you heard or told where the story teller saves the day? My guess is too many. It’s some version of “Well, I showed them.”

My experience is that whoever is repeatedly telling those stories is feeling rather inferior, and attempts to chase away that feeling with public puffery.

This happens with all sorts of people - men, women, successful, not so successful, holy or hell bound.

Most heroes that I’ve met play down their heroic deeds. Listen to military personnel who have received medals for the highest form of bravery and you won’t hear them boast. Listen to the MVP in any sports league and he or she will credit their teammates, or their coach or Mom.

The need to be the hero of a story is the need for recognition. Examine the life of anyone you deem to be the hero too often and you will find someone in deep need of acknowledgement.

Apparently, they don’t feel enough recognition for what they really do, so they craft a narrative where they are the main player so they can receive more attention.

Attention getting maneuvers may contain excessive embellishment or downright lying, but in either case you will find someone who is not getting sufficient recognition.

Praising their lies will only reinforce them. They need something deeper - Acknowledgement.

My friend, Jonathan Manske is co-authoring a soon-to-be-released book that puts acknowledgement in a new light. His contention is that praise isn’t working and that all you really need to do is to acknowledge what a person actually does to give them the feeling they are desperately seeking. Acknowledgement could be as simple as, “You walked home from school.”

What’s contained in that statement is the fact that you are paying attention to them and acknowledging them for their action. Notice that praise wasn’t part of that sentence. There is room for praise after acknowledgement, but acknowledgement is what the person is looking for.

My late mentor, Dr. Dave Dobson taught something that is magical. He called it “Other Than Conscious Communication.” Part of the magic is the core principle that acknowledging the whole person, not just the parts they’re consciously aware of, leads to greater rapport and a feeling of well being within the person acknowledged.

I wouldn’t attempt to fully explain either Jonathan’s or Dave’s work in such a short writing, just suffice it to say that being acknowledged is paramount to our humanity.

If you are the hero of too many of your stories, you may want to start acknowledging yourself for what you really do; then you won’t have to fill yourself up with hot air and lie until you turn blue.

All the best,

John

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