The defining signs that you belong at the adult table are: First, noticing, and then, second, acting on your ability to respond vs. using your programmed pattern to react.

Some people will tout your ability to create your own reality. What they don't spend too much time on is that you are responsible for both the upside and down side of your reality.

That means most folks mistakenly take full responsibility when sugarplums arrive at their doorstep and disavow any responsibility for a fungus covered lemon.

When you buy into only the upside, you become heavily into blame when the downside pays a visit. Usually, that blame is projected outward. That means we have no grasp on our ability to respond, so we lay responsibility at the feet of circumstance.

When reality presents itself, which is an every moment occurrence, we have the option to react or respond. Reactions are conditioned, programmed, limited responses; deliberate responses are those chosen from a menu with unlimited selections.

The mark of an adult is recognizing you have a choice, and then selecting something other than the same programmed reaction that's rarely worked for you in the past.

That means that we have to become sensitive to the choice point; it presents itself at every fork in the road.

We can all laugh at the folly of children who engage in this sort of back and forth:

"You are a cotton headed ninny-muggin."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"Not me."

"Yes you."

"Am not."

"Are so."

And so it goes. The practice may take on more serious topics as we grow older but our reactions retain our limited, childish responses.

Becoming the adult in the room requires sensory acuity. That means to notice that you always have a choice. You can certainly choose your programmed response if it seems to be the most workable, but most often it's not.

Offering yourself a choice is the ability to respond in action. You can respond to every reality if you recognize you have a choice. If you don't notice that choice, you remain childishly addicted to programmed reactions and remain a victim of circumstance.

Reality calls for a response but most often we don't answer the call. That leaves us helplessly addicted to a stimulus-response environment, which rarely, if ever, produces a creative solution.

Growing up is truly recognizing our growing list of responses and choosing the appropriate one for the stimulus at hand.

Noticing our ability to respond and acting on it makes us response-able adults.

 

All the best,

John

P.S. After talking about it for years, I’ve finally put my words into action and have begun a personal coaching service via telephone. I have literally coached countless people over the telephone for years. Now I have decided to make it formal. If you feel you are in need of personal coaching, I invite you to visit http://johnmorganseminars.com/coaching and get more information. I am only accepting a limited number of coaching clients and am only interested in coaching serious candidates. If you’re curious what I consider a serious candidate, I request that you visit http://johnmorganseminars.com/coaching and find out if you qualify.