For Dust To Settle You Have To Stop Kicking It Up - Grasshopper
It's what's NOT said or done right after a dust-up that leads to a solution.
After all is said and done, we feel the need to say and do more. That's more than adding fuel to the fire; that's jumping into the flames and burning yourself up.
Time may not heal all wounds but it certainly can cause them to be less deep.
We gain perspective when we give what's been said or done time to settle.
It's the ability to resist saying, ". . . and another thing" and give what you've already communicated time to be processed.
When we are under siege or launching a frontal assault we are only focused on surviving or winning. Once the battle is over, we have an option we don't often consider: To broker a peace.
We can't arrive at that option without a settling retreat.
One of the biggest mistakes we make as communicators - professional or amateur - is not giving what we say or what is said to us time to be processed.
My experience is that the salesman that talks the most makes the fewest sales. That's because he or she is assaulting you and not giving you time to breathe. They can't understand why what they're selling isn't being bought. Their mystified thought may be, "After all, what I'm saying is factual."
People need processing time. All learning is done in between the words. Iftheyarecomingatyoulikethis, you can't be sold.
You can't buy into another's point of view if they are continually giving it to you. The corollary is also true.
We seem to miss the obvious: If we stop adding logs to the fire, the fire will go out. When the heat goes out of a communication, the process of settlement begins.
It may not always be settled to your satisfaction but it will be settled. The dust will cease.
It's my experience that some people always have to be fighting to feel alive. Hire them as your attorney because they're like a dog on a meat wagon. They won't stop, they won't settle.
Our personal peace is dependent on settlement. Tit-for-tat has to come to an end for any chance of peace to begin.
They say the mark of a great painter is knowing when the painting is complete. If you are only focused on getting the last word, you may continue painting over a masterpiece.
All the best,
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