We seem to remember the good and bury the bad, but part of us never forgets.

We are unwilling to consciously recall from the part of us that remembers all. But this part of us will continually send us memories in unrelated snippets, kind of like when we are dreaming. The piece that comes to us is emblematic of the whole but it's often in puzzle form - a puzzle that remains naggingly unsolved.

Not being able to remember is sometimes a built-in, human, protection mechanism. Notice how we are able to remember physical pain but not actually feel it after the fact. Thank goodness.

Time sometimes puts something or someone in our rearview mirror, but we artificially attempt to speed up that process when we want to forget.

Sometimes we numb ourselves by blocking out or blacking out that which we refuse to remember. It's often a justification strategy to negate all the good we once felt so we don't feel the guilt of moving on without that something or someone.

It's the justification that keeps the memory hidden but alive.

If you truly want to absolve yourself of guilt, it's important to embrace the entire memory - not just the parts you want to consciously hang on to that suit your purpose.

For example, if you intentionally leave a job or a lover, notice how often the justification for leaving comes to mind. We negate all the good the job or person added to our life in an effort to make our transition to the new situation pain free. "That S.O.B." or "Wretched company" is our repeated mantra.

The pain will remain if we refuse to remember the whole.

Yes, we'll physically move forward but will often feel residual pain that pulls us back because we never took the natural steps to embrace the whole.

We make many forced decisions in life before we are truly ready. Notice that the best decisions make themselves. These are the ones we are at peace with. We arrive at our destination without hesitation.

I learned an exercise from Jerry Stocking many years ago that helps us arrive at natural decisions. He asks you to completely convince yourself about one way to go. Once convinced, Jerry asks you to completely convince yourself of the opposite. Then he requests that you go back and forth between each convinced position until you can switch positions at will in just a few seconds. Then he asks you to just let it sit.

The answer that eventually comes from doing this exercise is one you're at peace with. How you know it's the path to follow is because there is no recrimination or second guessing that arises.

The good news is that even if you forced yourself to move forward, you can still go back and do this exercise. It is a great way to cast out the past demons of guilt that we carry forward because we never fully explored our positions.

Your past will haunt you until you present it with the options that will bring you to a guilt free present.

It's not only OK to remember the good with the bad, it's essential in bringing us back towards balance.

When all the debate is over, it seems that natural decisions come as a result of considering contradictions.

If you are only considering one side, the other side will plague you for a lifetime until you open it up to the light of day. Then and only then will you remember not in selected pieces, but in peace.

All the best,

John