No matter how good of a parent you are, may have been or will be, your children, somewhere along the way, hated you. In fact, no matter how sainted you are you've hated someone for a time. The time has come to put hate in perspective.

You may want to absolve yourself right off the bat and say, "I hate their actions, not them." That would be a lie.

Hate is something we all feel for someone at sometime. The key is to recognize that hate, along with any other counter-productive feelings, is a necessary step to get to whatever's on the other side.

Denying you feel hate just keeps it around that much longer.

The sooner we acknowledge, not justify, the feeling, the sooner we find hate in our rear view mirror instead of always on the horizon.

This is not a counter movement to "Love thy neighbor;" it's just the recognition of a reality. Even Jesus, who popularized that phrase, threw the money changers out of the temple. As the British may say, "He was feeling rather 'cheeky' that day."

The silliest thing you can tell someone about hate is they shouldn't feel that way. They DO feel that way. The question you may want to ask them is: "Do you want to feel that way forever?"

One way to keep hate around forever is to justify it. You will recognize your justification when the word "because" turns up after you state your hate. "I hate him/her because . . ."

"Because" is the fly that will not leave the ointment causing hate to hang around too.

Another way to keep hate around longer is to get people to agree with you. That's just us attempting to further validate our hate. We find a support group to help us keep our hate in place.

The antidote for hate is to recognize it within you and feel it. Notice that I didn't say act on it. That would be another justification. Feeling your hate is a personal, transformative experience.

When you just sit with the feeling, it's like sitting through a thunderstorm. There will be scary noises and scary feelings, but if you take time to experience them, a calm will be present on the other end, maybe even a rainbow.

You can't avoid hate. It's a stop along the way towards any final destination. The key to making the journey more pleasant is to travel through it rather than put down roots.

All the best,

John

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