Just The Way You Are Is The Only Place You Can Begin - Grasshopper
"That's just the way I am" is almost always a justification to stay the same. Looked at from a slightly different angle, a similar statement can be a springboard to outgrow paralyzing conditioning.
You can't begin from any other place than where you are at the moment. Now is the only time action can take place. Action is not retroactive. It can be planned for in the future, but cannot take place in the future until the future becomes now.
How you are now is the only place you can begin. Any other beginning point is an illusion.
It's the recognition and acceptance of the way you are now, that sets the process of change in motion.
If you neither recognize nor accept where you are, you will remain the same. Back to the justification phrase "That's just the way I am," we can easily see that it's an attempt to defend one's conditioning.
If you are continually rude and justify it with "That's just the way I am," you have made a misstatement. The more accurate statement is, "That's how I've been conditioned to be." There is a monumental difference.
The justification approach not only defends your position, it locks it in place as the only way it can be - as though it was an immutable law.
"That's how I've been conditioned to be" opens the door to the option of reconditioning.
Self acceptance is the largest catalyst I can point to to effectuate change.
Self acceptance cannot happen in the presence of denial. "That's just the way I am" is denial. You don't need a decoder ring to know that phrase means - "I don't have to change" or "I don't want to change."
If being contrary was the only consequence of this mindset, then it wouldn't be that big a deal. But if change is necessary to move you out of a precarious place, this set-in-cement mindset will not get you there.
Self acceptance sparks new beginnings. If you accept where you are now, without justification, you have taken the giant first step towards change.
You may have to embrace all that's been said about you or said to you regarding your limiting behavior. That doesn't mean you have to like what's said, only accept it without rebuttal. You are now giving validity to the behavior and its consequences. You are accepting it as real instead of a fabrication by those that don't like your behavior.
People who are in a tailspin know it; they rarely accept it. The denial of where they are now takes more energy that the act of acceptance. This misuse of resources keeps us stuck.
Notice that you are the way you are. It cannot be any different. Accept it.
Accepting where you are now sets the stage for justification and denial to make an exit. When you no longer have to argue for your limitations, you have freed the energy necessary to take action now.
All the best,
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