Holding On To A Grudge Holds Off Your Happiness - Grasshopper
Holding your story together about how another behaved is an inroad to impasse with no road signs pointing the way to happiness.
Letting go of something that does us harm is common sense that’s all too uncommon.
It’s the emotion that glues a grudge together. Our intellect is smart enough to have let go a long time ago, but the emotion of the event keeps it stuck.
The common prescription is to “Just let go.” The difficulty is we can’t let go of an emotion intellectually. If that were the case, talk therapy would solve all our problems. It doesn’t.
Logic and emotion run on different tracks. You have to be on the same track as the problem in order to solve it.
Notice how much emotion is in a grudge. No amount of sound logic makes a dent on its impact.
The strategy seems to be on getting rid of the grudge. That doesn’t work. As long as your attention is on the grudge and the facts and figures that validate it, the longer it stays in place. The result is you postpone happiness.
Getting on the emotional track is the only way to dissolve a grudge and make room for happiness.
This is not a suggestion to withhold your feelings. It’s quite the opposite. The recommendation is to feel the emotion that’s associated with the grudge fully. That grudge lives in your body and is only reflected in your head. If you are interacting with a reflection, that’s called “Fun House Mirror Logic” which will keep you off track.
Go to the level where the grudge lives. Feel what that grudge feels like in your body. Intensify the feeling and feel it to its utmost. Don’t justify it, condemn it, curse it, or rationalize it in any way. JUST FEEL IT.
Feeling an emotion without intellectual interference is the quickest way to get that feeling unstuck. Emotions need to flow but they can’t do so while cemented in place with the righteous logic of a grudge.
Having perpetual happiness is not the goal; giving ourselves an opportunity to feel more happiness is.
You make that possible by letting your feelings flow. Taking the time to fully feel an emotion is like putting Drano down the sink. It unclogs your feelings and makes room for happiness to flow into your life.
There’s no rule against taking a grudge to your grave, but the only happiness that comes out of that is when the person you begrudged reads your obituary.
Begrudging yourself happiness isn’t logical but it is universal.
Give yourself a chance at happiness today by making an effort to feel your grudge flow away.
All the best,
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