Nobody Likes To Be Criticized - Grasshopper

Who the heck can argue with that?

Nobody likes being criticized.

And it doesn’t really matter how nicely you package it. Call it “constructive criticism,” put a smile on your face, or wrap it in a compliment.

It’s still criticism.

I learned something about that more than 40 years ago when I was introduced to a strategy for conducting employee performance reviews.

Back then, the standard approach was pretty simple. You started with all the things the person was doing well, and then you got to the things they needed to improve.

And there was one little word that usually made its appearance.

“But.”

“You’re doing a fabulous job relating to the other team members. Everybody enjoys working with you, but your attention to the spreadsheet details isn’t where it needs to be.”

Now watch what happens.
The person hears all those nice things you just said . . . and then you say “but.”

Suddenly, all the praise before the “but” seems to disappear.

It’s almost as if the word “but” has a giant eraser attached to it.

So we did something different.

“You’re doing a fabulous job relating to the other team members. Everybody enjoys working with you, and if you give a little more attention to the spreadsheet details, that would be ideal.”

Same message.

Completely different landing.

That little word and changes the whole tone.

And there’s another important difference.

Instead of telling someone what they’re doing wrong, you’re telling them what they can do to make things better.

That’s a subtle shift, but I think it makes a big difference.

I recently heard a term for this that I really like:
Constructive Instruction.

Not constructive criticism.

Constructive instruction.

You’re not pointing out somebody’s shortcomings and leaving them standing there with them.

You’re giving them a direction they can actually use.

And when you do that, your words have a much better chance of landing as encouragement instead of judgment.

It doesn’t feel like a trip to the principal’s office.

It feels more like somebody sitting down beside you and saying, “You’re doing a great job. Here’s one thing that could make it even better.”

And that works far beyond the workplace.

With our kids.
With our spouses.
With our friends.
With pretty much anybody we care about.

So the next time you’re about to say, “You’re doing a great job, but…”

Use “and” instead.

You might be surprised at how much better the message is received.

And maybe that little change in how we talk to each other could make everybody’s day a little more pleasant.

All the best,