Nobody Knows What It’s Like To Be You - Grasshopper

As much as we’re all the same, it’s never an accurate refrain to claim, “I know how you feel” or “I know what that’s like.” No, no you don’t.

Even exact twins experiencing the same thing will have a different experience. There may be similarities, but an exact copy it’s not.

 

Everyone is living a different life, even though they have the same life force coursing through their veins.

 

This is my preamble to approach others with kindness because we haven’t a clue what’s going on with them. Pretending that we do will make it harder to get through.

 

If someone opens up to you about what’s going on with them, the last thing you want to do is say something like, “I had a similar situation, and this is how I handled it.” It’s then no longer about them, but about you.

 

It must be in men’s DNA, but more likely in their conditioning, to want to solve someone’s problem. But before you get to the problem-solving stage, it’s most useful to be a listening post without an instant answer. That’s how you’re going to get as close as possible to what’s really going on with someone.

 

Listen without formulating a response in your head. Be present for the person you’re interacting with. You’ll get more useful information when you’re a receptacle rather than a fount of wisdom.

 

Reminds me of a story . . . Some 20 years ago, I was attending a 7-day workshop where there were two days off in the middle to process the teachings. One of the off days was to be a day of silence. You were asked not to speak for an entire day. You had to interact with the world and your classmates without speaking for a 24-hour period. One of the women came to our cabin to visit on one of the off days and it was my day for silence. She had her day of silence the day before and was able to speak. She began to chat on about this and that and then began to offer up a painful situation in her life. I listened with curiosity at first and then shifted into a state of presence where I had no internal chatter of my own, just full attention to her and the moment. The results were extraordinary. She had a bout of tears and an emotional release and then came over and gave me a big hug. She said she hadn’t felt this good in 10 years. What did I do? I offered no sage advice. I just provided a space she could rest in.

 

Nobody knows what it’s like to be you; they haven’t a clue. Once that precept is cemented in your head, you’ll be of more help with very little having to be said.

 

All the best,