Stop Wishing for What You Don’t Want - Grasshopper
The more time you spend at this dried up well, the more you thirst for that which you cannot quench.
Reminds me of a story . . . For years my friend, Ned has been making lists of what he would like to accomplish – his "bucket list." He found that time and again "learning Spanish" would be on his list. He also noticed that this goal was always near the bottom on each of his lists. A buddy pointed out that maybe it was just a placeholder to round out the list and not a true desire since it never seemed to be a high priority.
For Ned, learning Spanish is what I call a "nice to have." It would be nice to have a villa on the Mediterranean. It would be nice to have fluency in 8 languages. It would be nice to have the writing skills of F. Scott Fitzgerald or Danielle Steel. These wishes are wants that don't have enough passion attached to them to be full blown desires worthy of your time.
They are energy draining diversions.
Sometimes a diversion starts off as a passionate desire. As time passes, and that yearning remains unfulfilled, we come to a crucial choice point – to continue on or move on. Most of us pick the wrong road and wind up eating soup with a fork.
Even though there is abundant evidence that we are travelling to a dead end, we continue consuming energy with a wish we don't want.
The pattern seems to go like this: We keep this desire at the top of our list but on a deeper level we are convinced that we can't attain this goal. My experience is that most people keep this thwarted desire at the wish level because they've never executed a plan of action, or worse, they've never considered the downside of what their life would be like if they achieved this goal.
Quoting the Persian Poet Rumi,
"Some things that don't happen keep disasters from happening."
There is a lot of ego involved in keeping a dead wish alive. It's no longer a passionate desire for the outcome but a delusional quest to have it be our way. It's akin to the child who wishes he could only eat ice cream. He never considers the ultimate outcome while he continues stamping his foot.
Keeping this unexamined wish on life support is tantamount to grasping clouds. To quote Betty Crocker's husband, "It's pie in the sky."
It takes courage and honesty to remove something that's not working from your list. There is a tremendous upside to this paring down of priorities. The abundant energy it frees up flows effortlessly into what you do want.
All the best,
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