Being Upset With Upsets Is Upsetting - Grasshopper
It dawned on me recently that most of my upsets are the result of me being upset that the universe is not bending to my whims. What a revelation!
I recently read a friend’s Facebook posting and it was obvious that he was having a less than glorious day. Knowing him a little bit, I surmised what he was upset about and it wasn’t the thing he was complaining about. Those things happen to all of us. His real upset was with reality and how it wasn’t conforming even to his most desired and prayed for set of circumstances. That’s upsetting.
We are upset about our upsets that we think shouldn’t be happening, and are even more upset that reality isn’t delivering desired deliciousness to our door. That is a prescription for a life of compounding upsets.
The best definition I ever heard for being neurotic came from Dr. Dave Dobson. He defined Neurosis as an inappropriate response to a given stimulus. He said that if someone came up behind you and shouted “Boo,” being startled would be an appropriate response. If that same person whispered, “Boo” to your face and you were equally startled, that would be an inappropriate response to a given stimulus and you would appropriately be labeled Neurotic.
Let’s apply that definition to upsets. It’s upsetting anytime you accidently spill something on yourself. We’ve all done it. But suppose you go into this mode: “I’m so clumsy and I always do things like this and this is just going to continue even though I want it to stop happening.” That’s a formula for keeping upsets alive well past their expiration date. It’s also a self-fulfilling prophecy. The neurotic part is amplifying minor upsets to a level past their pay grade and we wind up paying for upsets for far too long and far too often.
If you continually get upset about upsets, you’re in for a neurotic life that refuses to buy into the only thing you can count on: Reality.
Yes, express your upset at whatever is upsetting you but don’t get upset that upsets happen to you. They happen to everybody. Getting upset with upsets is like getting upset with the wind. It’s going to blow whether you like it or not.
Getting upset with upsets takes you one level deeper into the crap that life offers up. Dealing with the upset at hand is the remedy for it. Believing your upset shouldn’t be happening will have you completely smell like what other people only get on their shoe.
You can continue to wait for the winds of change to change and be upset that upsetting things seem to always blow your way. OR, you can notice your upsets and take the time to feel them fully, instead of buying into the notion of upsets being your personal bully.
All the best,
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