The Unwelcomed Visitor Eventually Needs A Hug - Grasshopper
Have you ever uttered the words, "I never expected that to happen to me"? But, for better or worse, it did happen and you met reality. This is a close encounter of the human kind that when recognized and given proper attention, causes a shift – one that helps us find a hidden gear.
The common thing we all do is fight with this reality. We always lose. Sometimes we offer minor resistance and other times we dig in our heels, for days, months and decades. It doesn't matter how resolved and determined we are, we lose the fight.
It doesn't feel good to lose – never has, never will.
Reminds me of a story . . .
I used to work for a hard charging guy who once said, "Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser." He couldn't stand to lose. My guess is he's still fighting with reality and losing.
Losing is a reality, as is winning. Notice we don't rail against winning. We celebrate!
I doubt we will celebrate losing anytime soon, but sooner or later we must embrace loss in order to move forward.
Losing needs to be felt and metabolized or it will hang around as a pattern in our life and color everything we do with an unflattering hue.
Learning from a loss and holding on to a loss are as different as daybreak and dusk.
When you reverse engineer a loss, there's an opportunity to find a formula for winning, or at the very least, you discover the steps not to take towards repeating that loss. When you make loss part of your identity by holding on to it, you are attracting even more loss into your life.
Adversity is a teacher that doesn't get a lot of respect. Embraced, it will show us our character; shunned it will keep knocking on our door.
Please don't interpret this as learning to like losing. That would be as artificial and nourishing as waxed fruit. Again, no one likes to lose.
Recognizing loss as a catalyst is the first step. Often we deny that we lost. Even the greatest professional football coach, Vince Lombardi
suffered from this malady. He would say something like, "We really didn't lose; we just ran out of time."
Once we recognize loss as a loss, it's time to experience it in the only place we can feel it – in our body.
You'll never metabolize loss in your head; there's just not enough room. You'll just have the same internal conversations about it over and over.
Where do you feel that loss in your body? There is a specific spot; you just need to make the shift from talking about it to actually feeling it.
Where does that loss register with you? It's somewhere specific along the midline of your body, from your throat to you bowels. Find that spot for you and just feel the sensation. Don't chat about it, just feel it.
When you stay with that feeling, instead of running to your head to escape it, you allow the feeling to move through you. This is metabolizing the loss.
There is something new waiting for you on the other side of loss. You'll just never find it unless you embrace the feeling.
Loss is not the enemy. It's a reality that needs recognition and attention.
The longer you put this process off, the more you lose.
I won't lie to you. This is not bubble gum flavored medicine, but swallowing it will bring you to a more peaceful place of discovery.
How many losses are stuck in your body? Is it time for a purge? A cleansing?
Now that spring is in full bloom, perhaps it's time to engage your internal broom.
Brace or embrace? That is the question. Hint: You won't find the answer in your head.
All the best,
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